GOT MY PHARMACIST TODAY

The pharmacist who works in my clinic's pharmacy is a fun loving guy and will go the extra mile for his customers. Today he was out of my anti pee meds and instead of just shrugging his shoulder and telling me to wait until Thursday when he'll get more in, he called his pal at the private pharmacy to ask if he had any. The other pharamacist's name is Osama, and my poor guy was laughing so hard when Osama answered that he couldn't talk. Why was he doubled over in laughter? It might be because I told him that him that I miss getting my meds from Osama because there is something deliciously twisted about being in Israel and buying meds from a guy named Osama. He was still giggling when he got off the phone after arranging for me to go in and get a box from Osama. He said that it had never occured to him, and that he'd never think of our Osama in the same way he had before. And this guy is an Arab too. And he actually has a lower opinion of the non doctor at my clinic than I do, which is saying something as he just happens to be an Arab as well.
Of course non of my barbed remarks refer to that. My point is clear enough without being too specific. I actually told that to Osama a couple of years ago and he laughed too.

I was not laughing when I came home, however. Peg rearranged all the trash that had been in the bin all over the floor and now I get to clean it up. Why on earth can I never remember to put that bin on the bed or at least out of his reach? I'd best get on with it.

MY TALENTS AMAZE ME

Oh yes indeed, I am talented. Yesterday, when I got up from the bed, or, more accurately, tried to, I put on my nice warm floppy cloth faux tennis shoe slippers and after placing my right foot down, promptly planted the left one on the front of the right one, which made doing anything other than sitting back down and trying again out of the question. It took 3 attempts before I got it right. Dem Der had the good sense to stay in his room until the yelling was over.
For my next trick I waited until this morning which started in the middle of the night. I heard Dem Der leave (why are they so much noisier when they are trying to be quiet?) at 0430, and got up to go to the loo, and decided to find out if the key board was really dead or just not connected. The only way to get to the back of the computer to check the connection is to pull it carefully forward while trying to keep it on the brick on which it sits in case of a water disaster. Gimp House has had a few. Just as I got it far enough out to see the back, the cable phone modem fell off and landed in the middle of the cable spaghetti so that I couldn't get it back up. After finding that the keyboard was connected, and therfore dead, the computer fell off the brick and on to my foot. Being far too agravated to sleep, I wrestled the lap top onto the bed and got the antivirus updated and the Microsoft updates going. Just then, a friend I'd been wanting to chat with for several days came up on IM so we chatted while I battled with the MS update that wanted to restart the computer. I kept telling it later, so, of course, after the IM, I told it to restart, except it woulden't. So there I was in the early morning hours with no computer and a long time to wait until I could call my geek or even that idiot newspaper that didn't arrive on Friday. As the paper did arrive today and there was nothing much else to do, I did the cross word puzzle and finished that in 20 minutes. A great start to any day. My geek duly arrived with a new keyboard, connected it, rescued the phone modem and got the lap top sorted. By then, I decided that it was time for a nap and woke up late in the afternoon. What an interesting fun day. Now it's time to eat something and go catch the end of the news for the weather report. I was supposed to take my pressure sore to the clinic but as the real doctor is never there on Sunday, will take it tomorrow.

INSTALL A TAP?

What with all the blood tests I've been having lately, I'm thinking about having a permanent tap put in my arm. They want a whole list new tests before the rotorooter, including HIV. I found that to be hysterically funny in light of the fact that I have never shot up drugs, never mind with a previosly used needle, never ever had a blood transfusion, and I've been celibate for longer than I ca remember. If they want that test they can have it. I did have a bit of giggle over my orthdoc calling the stuff he shot me with a cocktail. But the really annoying thing about it is that the nurse who drew the blood today is so good that I won't even have a purple bruise there.
There was a kid there needing blood drawn and she was making such a fuss about it that I finally said something to effect that if she didn't knock it off and let the nurse take the blood, I'd make the needle uneccessary. That was the end of the fussing. So, by now my blood is on it's way to be tested for all kinds of vile things, I've run all the errands I had to run today, and I'm home.
Who says old dogs can't learn new tricks? They can, oh, can they ever. Pegasus has learned how to undo the clip on his in the house chain. He did it twice yesterday and I was sitting right here where I can see him. The first time I just put it back on, but the second time I took a good hard look at the connectors and they look just fine. I have no idea how he manages to undo it, but I am keeping a sharp eye on him. He didn't even wander from his usual turf, not even to check out Dem Der's room which still looks like a bomb went off in there. After all the noise about the state of the kitchen floor, *I* went and made a huge mess on it yesterday. Isn't that just the way? I did get most of it cleaned up, and will get around to giving it a proper wash at some time in the distant future. Now, I am going back to bed to read, watch TV and pamper my pressure sore which they say is getting better and is supposed to hurt more the better it gets. Why does that sound right to me? At least I managed to figure out a way to elevate it so it's not resting on the bed. I'm pretty good with pillows if I do say so myself. The anti pressure sore air mattress isn't doing it's job. Could be because it has so many leaks in it? I'll have to get another one soon. But for now, the pillow pyramid is working just fine.

CHRISTMAS AT GIMP HOUSE

While Cristmas is not exactly celebrated as such at Gimp House, there are a few Christmas traditions that are observed. The most important to me is my Christmas phone call to Alice. I haven't missed a year since I came here, and this year was no different. The sad part of it was that her father wasn't there to tease me about the Kosher ham he used to keep in the fridge for me. But, her mom answered the phone and it was lovely to talk with her, Alice and Wes the Russian. One of the really cool things about that annual Christmas call is that I can picture all of them in the house. It's almost like being there. It's so comforting having a best friend from elementary school to this day. And she is a best friend in every meaning of best friend. She understands me even when I don't. Nothing is better than that.
My son called, not for Christmas, but because he had the day off, and I got hear the baby making playful sounds in the background. I just loved hearing her baby voice and talking with *my* baby. He's such a sweetheart.

As I was out anyway on the day of Christmas Eve, I checked my mail box and among the bills and snail spam there was a smallish box that actually fit in there. Figuring it was a Christmas gift, I saved opening until after calling Alice. I came really close to falling off the bed and woke Dem Der up with my very loud "Bless you and thank you, Jags" It was only the very best gift I could ever have gotten. My very own purple bag of peanut dark chocolate M&Ms. That was absolutely the very best gift I've ever gotten and the timing was nothing short of miraculous. How on earth she got it to arrive on Christmas Eve day I'll never know, but if anyone could, it would be Jags. She is a truly good, loving and kind person and I am so proud to know her, and to have been able to visit with her, her mom and twin when I was over there last year.

Dem Der made quite a few Christmas call from his phone as well. As Christmases go it was a quiet but nice one here.
I hope it was for my 3 faithful readers as well.

IT COULD HAVE BEEN SO MUCH WORSE

How quickly a new reality can make us forget lessons we've already learned the hard way. New Harley Too's front tyre seemed low on air on Friday, so I took him to the tyre doctor for some air. I really should have known better and gotten the tyre changed. That is what I would have done without even thinking about it with Harley Too.
This morning, after getting ready and making sure I had everything I needed, I went out only to find NHT's tyre flat. Flat as in pancake flat. I somehow managed to fight him down off the ramp onto the path between the buildings, and called the tyre doc who promised to come as soon as they could(I called at 1055). Knowing that the day was basically shot, I settled onto the nice comfy seat with a book to wait. Orna came by with coffee for us and we visited for a bit. She went off to do stuff and I hust sat and read. One bright bulb walking by informed me that I had a flat.Like I hadn't figured that out all by myself 2 hours previously. On and on I read until they finally got here and fixed it at 0515 or so. As the day was shot, I just drove NHT back up on the ramp and will try again tomorrow. I think it's safe to say that next time the font tyre is low on air I'll skip the putting air in bit and just have them change. I am so glad that rear tyres are solid and can not lose air!

MORE OF THE SAME

Nothing much has been going on over the last few days. I stayed in except to take my pressure sore to the clinic. It's not getting better, but a proper doctor will be there on Monday. The idiot doctor wandered in while the nurse and I were discussing what to do, looked at it and said "hmmm, pressure sore" to which I very quietly replied "That's one you got right" No way was I going to let him in on the discussion even though he did manage to get it right. I can wait for the real doctor. The poor nurse was most distressed that I wouldn't even let the surgeon who was there look at it. I told her to just put another patch of the same stuff back on it, and I'd come back on Monday.
Something very strange is going on with one of cell phone companies. I 'killed' one of the phones from that company (Orna's) but it somehow came back to life. I am less than pleased but look forward to the visit there tomorrow. And Orna didn't get the money to me on time for her daughter's phone, so that one will die tomorrow as well, and I will make 100% sure it's dead. Enough is enough already.
Poor Dem Der. He was granted permission for a housing authority flat or a hostel. He does not want a hostel as he is more than capable of living on his own. When he went to the housing authority to see about the flat they told him that his name had been removed from the list and added to the hotel list. Many phone calls later he was told that he'd be back on the flat list on Sunday. If he is, we'll be able to start looking at flats for him soon. This might sound mean, but I can't wait for him to leave. It's not that he's such a bother, I just want my house back. He's actually been pretty good in the kitchen and the tiles are still visible, but he does make a lot of noise, and is probably deaf too. It's rediculous that I can hear the TV in his room with the door partly closed over my TV. And he oy vays whenever he walks. Ok, yeah, his feet still hurt, but, really. Even I don't groan as much with the right leg pain, or didn't before the shot. So call me a mean old bitch, but it does get tiring after a while. Every single step he takes is accompanied by an oy vey. Oh, well, it's not forever. Maybe just another month or so, but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I just hope it's not a train!

STORM? WHAT STORM?

Just my luck. No sooner do I get equipped for that big storm all the weather persons were going on about, than they change the whole forcast. Now it seems that all we'll be getting up here in the north is a lot of cold air. All the good stuff will be down south. We might get a few sprinkles of rain. And there are people who actually believe all this global warming B.S. when they can't even predict weather 48 hours ahead with any accuracy. Yeah, right. In a way it's ok if it doesn't storm. That just makes it easier to go out on Friday for the local papers.
I wasn't listening during one of my phone conversations with Dem Der. He did come back in the end, last night. He also took a shower and again left huge blobs of shampoo all over the floor in there. We are going to have a little chat about that as well as the kitchen. The kitchen floor was far from gleaming clean, but at least the tiles are visible again, and were still visible after I finished concocting that soup. He still has no idea how much he wants me to find it that way when I get back from having my pressure sore checked.
My son sent me some new pictures of the baby. She's something else, but, then, her daddy is pretty special too. There's one of her sitting in a half full laundry basket that just cracks me up. The expression on her face says it all. See for yourselves! I have the feeling that she just might not forgive her father for that picture when she grows up. But
I just love it. Now, if I can just get through the rotorooter with no more damage, and put enough money aside, I'll be able to go and see her in person one day. The best option for that of course, would be for just one of the people who owes me money to pay up.

Manic Mainiac

If laughter is any indication, I should be well on the way to being cured of all my post stroke, post MI, and wear and tear issues. Just about everything gets me laughing these days, and I quite like it.There is the fact that I got the floor here relatively clean with only minor discomfort, as well as Dem Der coming through with a whole carton of my favorite fags. Well done, Dem Der! He got in fairly late last night and has already taken himself back to Safad to be with his sick pal who needs a series of the same tests Dem Der needs, so the floor will stay in it's nice new cleanish state for a few more days. He's not coming back tonight.
There is one dark cloud, though. After all these months of getting payments for other people off my account, the bill came in for my mail cell phone. I let Orna's daughter put her phone on my account, which was just fine as long as her bills were under 200. Even the last one at 264 was ok, but this one came in at 580 which is more than ALL my phone bills together, and I have phones. Boy, do I have phones! And I use them when I feel like it. Two lines from different companies in the house, 2 in the car, and 6 other cell phones, 4 of which are mine, 2, that are not in my possesion but that I have to keep paying the monthly charge for, and all that together came to much less than that one cell phone bill. I told her about it last night and she asked to pay it in 2 payments. Sorry, just can't do and the bank will not pay it this month. I'm just on the edge and if the payment bounces her daughter's line goes first. I also told her that it must come off my bill. That is just about the only bill that I never ever had not paid on time. Ever. Not even during other bad financial times. That cell phone bill was ALWAYS paid on time. That is one thing that I am not finding amusing in the least. I am somewhat hopeful that she will get the amount needed to pay it in time as that phone is very important to them now that she's in the Army. And I was quite clear about it. And she knows I'll cut it off because I cut off the one I gave her so we'd be able to be in touch as and when I needed her. Her last bill on that phone was way over the top too. Oh, well, all I have to pay on it now is the charge for the phone itself which isn't much.
I've also managed to get myself another pressure sore on my left ankle from that free fall incident last week. The doc put some kind of patch thing on that has to stay on for 3 days. It did work the last time, so maybe it will work this time too. It's already been 2 full days and it still hurts, so I do have my doubts. I'll get it checked tomorrow and we'll go from there. I guess the moral from that is to stop free falling.
Our intrepid weather people are forcasting a big storm that's supposed to start later today. It's supposed to get very cold and might even snow. I fully intend to enjoy ever minute of this incoming storm, but first I have to go out and get a few things.

THE RUSSIANS GOT ONE THING RIGHT

I've known this for a long time, but keep forgeting that I want to write about it. The word in Russian for a stroke is insult. Boy have they got that one nailed. A stroke or CVA is just about the most insulting thing that can happen to a brain. Trust me on this. I've had a stroke, CVA, insult, whatever you want to call it, I had one and it was well and truly an insult in every way I can think of.This dictionary entry pretty much sums it up:
To treat with gross insensitivity, insolence, or contemptuous rudeness. That is exactly what it feels like has been done to you when you wake up to your new post stroke world, unless, like me, you were consious and awake for the whole thing. Thing is, in most cases it's not an insult from some else. It's your very own self that has insulted itself.
Oh well, just thought I'd mention it, now that the floor is kind of clean. I just invented a whole new way to wash a toxic floor Israeli style while using the wheely. I just stopped in here for a minute to rest.

TOXIC WASTE DUMP

This has to be more than just the typical Y chromosone with 'bad' genes. I simply can not believe what Gimp House looks like barely a month after Dem Der moved in. I am neither the neatest, nor, cleanest person in the world, but this is a whole new level. Were I to apply for Gimp House to be a toxic waste dump the application would be summarily rejected. His room looks like a bunker busting bomb went off in it, the kitchen floor is covered with grease and food bits, the shower has huge blobs of his shampoo on the floor. If/when he washes the dishes, he doesn't clean out the sink and bits of stuff are left in the drain strainer, and in the corners of the sink. The cook top has more food on it than what he cooked in a pan. The things he does wash are often put in the wrong place so they aren't to hand when I want them. But that's the least of it. It is truly vile. Oh, and there are trails of bog roll all through the house that he can't be bothered to pick up. He is also incapable of closing the swing top on the bin lid in the kitchen and actually brought bog roll into the kitchen to use instead of paper towels of which there were plenty in the car boot, but he was too lazy to go out and get. Of course he just dropped the misused bog roll into or close to the floor washing pail that lives under the sink, rather than putting it in the bin. That he used a whole sheet of A4 of paper to write 7 numbers instead of the little ones I have right here for just that purpose is the very least of it! There is not a self respecting pig anywhere that would be willing to use Gimp House as a stye in it's present condition. And there is very little I can do about it as the worst of it is the floor and I simply am not able to wash it. I tried that a few weeks ago and it was just not possible. Of course it's much worse now than it was then.
Yes, it really is that bad, worse even. So, I am going to take my sore ankle (it took a pretty bad knock when I pracrised parachuting landings a couple of weeks ago and isn't healing), to the clinic for a look/see as I can't see it myself, then, I'm coming home to tackle the floor from the wheely. That just might land me in bed for the next few days, but I simply can not stand it and Orna is too busy to do it. Nevermind that the very sight of it would send her screaming out into the street.
Come to think of it, conditions in the local dump are actually better than are here.

WHAT IS SO HARD TO UNDERSTAND?

Ok, so, Gimp House is not the easiest place to find in town, UNLESS YOU LISTEN TO THE DIRECTIONS, then, it's dead easy. You simply follow the signs to a place called Yad Sarah, and Gimp House is the purple flat with the wheely ramp that has 2 scooters parked on it. Nothing easier. The paper boy for that crap English paper actually found it yesterday and I showed him exactly where to put the paper. SHOWED HIM. Let's see of you can get it from this description. There is a screen door. The screen is detached from the frame. If you slip the paper through the screen it will be between the screen door and the main door. And I SHOWED HIM. So, what did I wake up to this morning? An open screen door, which I really really hate, and the paper holding the screen door open. That was the final straw. Now I have to wait until the lazy subscription people get to work at 0930 to cancel the damn thing permanently. Enough is enough. This has been going on for close to a month. I really don't need the agro, I have more than enough to deal with without the added agro of trying to get that paper here so Dem Der can have a paper he can read. I don't need because that English language news paper is the direct cause of my learning to read in Hebrew. The only thing that paper is any good for is washing windows and I only have two windows that ever need washing and the Hebrew papers are almost as good for that. It makes not a lick of difference that it's free for the first month. I don't want it even if they pay me to take it! And if that wasn't enough, they called at 0745 to ask if it got here. Um, I was kind of asleep. Have I mentioned that I really do not like this paper? I think I might have an alternative to using water boarding for torture. Give the captive a 'free' subscription to the Jerusalem Post and he'll be telling everything he knows within 48 hours. Even the Chinese couldn't come up with anything better. And I'm pretty sure there's no mention of Jerusalem Posting in the Geneva Conventions or anywhere else. On the other hand, it won't take the ACLU long to try and get it banned as cruel and unusual. But, by the time they figure it out, much helpful information will have been collected. I say, "Go for it!"
Right! It is now time to organize the rest of the day. There's paperwork to get done at the clinic for the rotorooter, blood and urine tests for same, and the car's steering to sort.

LAUGHTER *IS* THE BEST MEDICINE

After stubbornly refusing to take my aching right leg to it's doctor for the past month, the pain finally got to me and I called him yesterday. He told me to come see him today. While planning the trip in my mind-it's about 100 miles both ways, it suddenly hit me that my car needs it's annual inspection NOW, as in this very minute. After a few quick phone call to verify times and cost, I made a quick run into town and paid the registration fee, then decided to have the inspection done in a town that's on the way to the doctor. When I got there the guy in the office who does the paperwork and takes the money was not in his little window, so I called and he came charging out. Those wheely cards are great. There are so few of them that they really get good attention at places that know just how rare they are.
To say I was gobsmacked is an understatemt. The car flunked it's annual test. The rear tires were crap, and they said there's a problem with too much play in the steering. I'm not so sure about that but will have it checked tomorrow. The Disco had very twitchy steering that took a lot of getting used to. The Focus has very calm nice steering, but still. I will get it checked. With a week's extension, I headed off to my beloved ortho doc and when I finally got in to see him, we had our usual chat about this and that. He wanted to know what the story is with Dem Der and said that he was happy that I had someone. Boy did I set him straight on that. My answers to some of his questions about Dem Der got us laughing so hard that a doctor who was walking by came in to see what all the noise was about. There was a condescending comment in Hebrew about appropriate behavior in a doctor's office which got an even more condescending reply in English from me about laughter being the best medicine which got us going again when I added that by now I should be close to being cured! Oh, I do like my ortho doc. I'm going to keep a few of his comments to myself except to say that they were very complimentary.
When we finally got to the shot part we were in the nurse's suite of rooms. She's a sweetheart too and after a ripost or two I told the doc that he'd have to choose between us. He said some very nice things about me to her and said she'd understand more when he gave me the shot that we were calling a cocktail because it was made up of several things. The nurse was concerned about how I'd get from the wheely to the treatment bed. Things got loud again in the laughter department when I told her I'm not getting on a bed with HIM in the room, so, I stood and he shot me. She just couldn't over the fact that I didn't even flinch. Hell! I was high from all that laughing. Having learned from the previous shot that just getting in the car and driving home is not a good idea, I decided to do some gimp ballet exercises to get the cocktail working. More laughter with people walking by and shaking their heads in wonder. That much hilarity is not a common event in a medical clinic. It should be, though. I felt great all the way home and grinned the whole way until I found out how much the new tires were. They are now happily settled on the rear wheels. Even the steering issue doesn't bother me tonight. I'm still savoring some of the things the doc said, and that should keep me up in the clouds for a few more days. I wish more doctors were more like him.

ALMOST WAS THE OPERATIVE WORD

Indeedy, indeedy, I was almost out of the mess I made for myself at the bank. This month is going to be squeeky close, but, I just might make it, maybe. Today has turned into a massive challenge. I almost forgot to get the car it's annual inspection. It doesn't cost much but I'm not sure I have enough cash on hand to do it. On top of that, I talked with my ortho doc yesterday and am supposed to go see him today in Acre. I have a feeling that I might have to cancel that.
I did have lots of fun on the phone yesterday. Fun, but, not much satisfaction. Harley's people were amazingly obtuse. The guy who sold him to me kept trying to convince me that that are not made to be used in the rain. Excuse me, but this is the third one I've had and never ever have I had trouble with them in the rain. Oh, there have been plenty of other troubles with them but never have they stopped dead in their tracks in the rain. I'm not having it. Something is wrong with him. The problem is in the electronic brake system.
It was even more fun with the newspaper dolts. I hit them with insults that left even me, (the queen of insults) amazed. Oh, yes, in a very calm cold deadly voice. One of them called during the news and I got to have go at him about that, along the lines of; "You can't the newspaper here in the morning, then call during the evening news? What's wrong with you?" I came up with a few other zingers that I can't quite recall at the moment, but it was ever so much fun.
Ok, now it's time to take a quick shower, then figure out how/if I'm going to get things done.

SUNDAY CAN'T GET HERE SOON ENOUGH FOR ME

I haven't felt so charged up for battle since I can't remember when! The weekend after Dem Der got moved in, I decided to allow him to sign me up for 2 free weeks of the English language newspaper, The Jerusalem Post, aka The Putz and/or the G(i)P. Free;two weeks; home delivery. We are now heading into the 4 th week and the delivery idiot still hasn't found Gimp House. One day last week someone in the subscription department called to be sure I'm getting the free deliveries and talk me into buying 4 more months at the price of the weekend edition only. I agreed only because it was a good deal. They haven't been able to deliver even one of the free papers, but at least they did call every other day or so to find out if the paper had arrived. They stopped calling when I agreed to the new deal. I am going to have so much fun with them on Sunday it's almost sinful.
The other fun phone call will be to the Harley place. I went into town this morning all bundled up and under the rain poncho because it was raining. I was on the last leg towards home, having just gotten a couple of tiny bags of M&Ms as a birthday present to myself, when all of a sudden New Harley Too stopped dead in his tracks. We created quite a traffic jam on that street before a couple of guys figured out that maybe there was a problem. 3 of them got out of their cars and came over to offer suggestions. When they figured out that I actually knew what was wrong, and that there was nothing to do except move NHT out the way, one of them helped me stand while the other 2 moved NHT over to the curb and #1 helped me walk back over. Knowing that Afikim, the Harley place doesn't work on Fridays, I called Motty, my son's father in law who said that he just had a little something to finish and he'd be right along. An hour later, and just as I had taken out the cell phone to ask Motty how much longer, a neighbor from my building came along. We managed to get NHT rolling by playing with a lever that is somehow related to the electronic brake and he pushed me home. I had no sooner gotten in the house and plunked myself down on the bed, found Motty's number and was ready to dial it, when Motty called to say he'd be right along. I thanked him profusely after telling him that NHT and I were already home. He really is the nicest guy.
So, the 'Putz' aka The GiP will be getting a very deadly nasty phone call on Sunday as will Afikim. At least now I know where NHT's problem is. In spite of my aversion to making phone calls, I am going to enjoy those two ever so much!

AH, YES

Hah! Ok, so I did get a late start today, but I also managed to get out, swing through town, and get home just as the rain started. It's supposed to storm for the next few days and I might only go out tomorrow for the local papers.
Dem Der has gone to Afula for a glow in the dark test. He's convinced himself that he has colon cancer. He might well have it, but, for crying out loud, why can't he just get himself a proper diagnosis rather than having tests that are only partially conclusive done? One day he announces that he doesn't plan to get it treated if he does have it. The next day, he says that it will depend on where it is. I do wish he would just take a page out of my book and wait until the results are in rather than making idiot proclomations before even half of the tests are done. If the cancer he might or might not have doesn't kill him, I just might. He'll be back later today, and I must say that I've quite enjoyed having Gimp House to myself since he went to Safad on Tuesday. Just mention him...and he calls. He's all ftutzed that the nurse who gave him the glow in the dark stuff to drink kind of didn't exactly know just what the stuff is. Hells bells what does he expect from a nurse in a coutry where they call a chest cold angina? And yesterday he had a run in with the doctor who had to approve the test that a CT is not a diagnosic test. If it's not diagnostic, what is it? Granted it's not a definitive test for what he thinks he has. His favorite idiot doctor story is when one of the new immigrant doctors from Russia wanted to know where the scar was from the kidney transplant on the other side or did they do both from the same incision? Yeah right. Thankfully things like that don't happen very often.

RULES FOR NOT MAKING AN IDIOT OF MYSELF

I really must memorize the following items. They are very important to survival in the world of Gimpdom.

Rule 1 Come to a complete stop.

Rule 2 Take a deep breath

Rule 3 engage first gear, slowly release the clutch.

Rule 4 Speak only after thriple checking that information that is to be announced is accurrate, then, check again.

What brought on this rule list? I think I'll go with the " I was distracted by Peg's vet when the hospital called and heard the wrong date! The rotorooter is scheduled for Jan 7 which most likely is someone elses birthday. I've done it before so really would have been upset had I arrived at hospital a full month early. That would have been one long wait in the waiting room.
I should probably work up rules on the state of my reading glasses. I put on the bedroom pair to read a label, then came to the computer with them still on and almost came to conclusion that I was having a stroke on the other side or was rapidly going blind. Everything on the monitor was blurry. Then I looked down and THERE WERE MY COMPUTER GLASSES. Duhn.
A new set of self tips for going out to New Harley Too in the winter might also be a good idea. The first time I went out I had poncho, hat of many colors, glasses and a towel. I had just gotten NHT all disconnected and was ready to go when I realized that I'd left my bag of holding inside. I lurched back in, put the towel down, hoiked the bag of holding off it's hook, went back out and sat in an ocean sized puddle on NHT's seat. Not being in any kind of shape to go back in yet again and change, I just went as I was. it's not like I had to get up and walk or anything. It will all dry out sometime, right? I can slow down as the rotorooter is a month away. I did get Peg's pills,(my GP had already left for the day and the other one; the jerk, refused to give the same scrit in my name. I went to our pharmacy to ask how much they cost without a scrit and the druggist asked why 'that' doctor refused, I just shook my and said yeah, all he'd have to do to make it legal was to make a notation that I'm a bitch. I think he's still laughing, but he did figure out a way to do it!) my new checks and a couple of steaks. The last ones I got at the butcher where just not as good as the ones from the time before that. All in all it was an ok morning. Even the rain held off until I got home. Not that it mattered. I was alrady wet!

ONE OF THOSE DAYS

Peg has had a strange cough lately so I called his vet who came right over, diagnosed him left a scrit for antibiotics and orders to let him know how he's doing. The phone rang while he was here. It was the hospital telling me my rotorooter is on Friday which just happens to be my birthday. She immediately wanted to change it for the next week, but I really don't want to wait, having worked myself into que sera status. It has to be done, so lets do it already. Just think, in a country with socialized medicine, it took less than a month to get a date with a knife from when I did the first test that lead to it. Not bad by any standards.
Ok, that's the big news for now. It's time to build a meat loaf and go loaf around in bed for a while.

STORMY WEATHER

For once the storm is outside, and not me on the rampage in Gimp House! I managed to get the dishes washed yesterday but simply could not face doing the floor. That's just way too much to even comtemplate even with the wheely! But at least the dishes and stuff are washed the way I like and put back in their proper places. The floor and the grot on them aren't going anywhere and will be there when I feel up to it, sometime next century.
The rain started very late last night and there was a bit of lightning and thunder. Just enough to send Peg into the space between my wardrobe and bed. Poor baby handles katyushas better than he does thunder. I love storms and was thrilled to still be awake for the one last night. The local radar thingy says there will be rain on and off all day. I got a sudden case of smarts and covered the sensitive parts of New Harley Too with huge garbage bags so maybe he'll be ok to go out alittle later. I have to get this months meds at the pharmacy and go grocery shopping as we are out of lots of stuff.
Dem Der is in grave danger of losing his life. I've been stock piling tuna in water and had 10 or 12 cans in the cupboard. He always says that he prefers tuna in oil and that he has a supply in a box under the counter. Yeah? So why is there now only one can left in the cupboard? I detest tuna in oil, so it's not exactly a fair trade and I'll have to start the stock pile again. At least he hasn't messed with my sardines in olive oil. That could have been ugly as they are very expensive. Maybe I'll just let it go and look at the trouble he's having with his feet as devine retribution for the tuna. He really is having a bad time with that and it seems to have spread to his other foot now, making him more useless than usual. He was so proud that he filled Peg's water dish this morning that I decided not to yell even though he about it before I had my coffee. It's pissing rain out and he filled the water dish. Peg can't go out to his usual spot as it's a mud hole and I can't be sure when I'll be dressed and ready to take him out with NHT. Poor Peg makes heroic efforts not to pee in the house when it's raining but he can only hold it for so long.
Why is it that when men try to be helpful they get it all wrong? Yes, Gracie, I do know it's the Y factor, but I feel like whinging about it.
The rain has let up a little so, I'll just go and make up a shopping list, get dressed and take a shot at going out with Peg, then shopping. I'll make do with my rain poncho and leave the snow suit for a colder rainier day. It's such a hassle to get into.

JUST WAITING

As I really don't have much of anything to outside today, I think I'll just stay in and pamper my right leg and harrass my lawyer.
I finally called the Vascular Surgeon and he sounded a little surprised that I had the results back so soon. He might be one of the top in his field in the country but he obviously has no idea what it means to have a hospital wired! The test was originally scheduled for Dec. 5 but we got it moved up and picked up the results rather than wait for the mail. I just faxed them to him and am now waiting to hear when the rotorooter will be done. He did say that the anesthesiologist will want to see me, and I told him that my right leg is in no shape for me to be driving there and back and then all over again. We're going to find out if I can go in maybe a day earlier. or very early on the day. The leg is so bad that I don't even want to drive to my orthopedic doc to have it shot. That's bad. Real bad. I just kind of want to get the rotorooter done before anything else.
Dem Der has gone out to get his Cripple Allowance and should be back soon.
I was wandering around a really cool site about Maine Jewery and found a very distant family connection between us. After all this, we're related, if distantly!
I also found a connection to another family I've known all my life but never knew about that connection. It's quite fun rummaging around that site. That last one lead to links to several other people I've known forever but never knew there was a connection, however distant.
I think I'll go back there and do some more looking as soon as I get the pile of rubbish bags in the kitchen hauled out to the big bin.

SURVIVED ANOTHER DAY

I may have gotten through this morning errands but a patient at my clinic almost didn't. After going to the butcher, bank, and to Lavana's (to give her the electrickery bill), I went to the clinic to have my doctor translate the heart test stuff. For someone who's had an MI and two stents it's actually pretty good! There are no signs of insuffiency, or any other possible nasties.
The law here states that wheely patients don't wait in line to see the doc. The previous person comes out, the wheely goes in. While I was waiting, a gal limped in and the nurse figured she'd need an X ray and should go in next. Even though it was pretty obvious that she only had a sprain (she was walking on it) I agreed to let her go in. Then one of the local locos arrived, and made a scene to be next. She was really off her rocker, so I let her in too. What was I supposed to do? Tell them all "Sorry, my whole body is srained?" when all I wanted was to go over some test results? My new lumps and bumps WERE yelling at me, but, I can take it, sort of. At least I roll in on my very own seat.
Then, I stopped in at the butcher and picked up some lovely steaks with bones for me and Peg. I'll have to call the vascular guy to find out if I can just fax him the results or if I have to go there again. I'd really like to just fax them as driving is painful enough without all the new stuff.
In fact, I'm taking all the hurts and bruises to bed right now.

THAT WAS NOT AN EARTHQUACKE

That earth tremor was just me falling. I went up to Safed to get Dem Der and my heart test results, and stupidly didn't take the time to straighten my left ankle before coming back down. I did sit in the car with that foot flat on the ground, but obviously not long enough. I tried to walk around the wheely in my room, but the ankle went into it's usual drop foot mode and down I went. I just sat there for a few minutes taking it in, then started laughing. Poor Dem Der's face was a study. He's actually in worse shape that I am. As he stood and I sat there, trying to figure out how to get me up I got a bad case of the giggles. No way were the two of us evergoing to get me up. After a bit of a rest and a cigarrette, I heard some of my neighbor's kids outside and started yelling her name. She came running and tried to haul me up. That got us nowhere fast so she went off looking for muscles while I sat there on the floor laughing my fool head off and Dem Der fretted.
She rounded up her husband and four other guys who managed to haul me up into a sitting position on the end of the bed. They couldn't use the usual techniques as that collar bone is disconnected and hurt like hell from the fall. It took a hit from my dresser.
I managed to stand up and get to the loo.Then, I went to the grocery store and my mail box.
Oh, am I ever going to be beautifully colored tomorrow. I'm sore, but whole.
Yefim was here this morning and with a wave of his hand got NHT moving again. Granted he had a screw driver in his hand.
I think it might be a good idea to take all my new aches and pains to bed before I can't.
See? Told you it wasn't an earthquacke!

MOVIE CATCH UP

What is it with me and movies? There are so many movies it's taken me years to get around to seeing. The worst was Arsenic and Old Lace. It took over 20 years and two failed attempts to see it all the way through just once. I have never forgotten those two attempts. The first was when I was just a kid. It was on a Sunday and I cut my Sunday skating short in order to be home in time to watch it with my mother who had been talking about it with great anticipation all the preceeding week. We got to see the first part before my father and brother demanded another channel. I was furious, but couldn't do much about it. That was back in the days when having one TV was still a luxury. I filed that movie as a must see in the dark recesses of my mind. My next chance to see it was here in Israel, several months after we got here. It was on fairly late at night and I was babysitting for friend's kids at my place. I settled in to watch it but fell asleep before the end. That quite infuriated me. Twice I'd missed the ending. The 3rd time (3rd time lucky) was a few years ago. I finally got to not only watch it through to the end, I even managed to get it on video and see it at least 4 more times. Yes, it was well worth the wait.
Moving right along, another movie I've been wanting to watch was Pretty in Pink. So many of my friends told me about it that it got moved pretty high up on my 'to see' list. Last night it was on TV here and I stayed up really really late to see it. It was ok for a girly tear jerker, but I kept comparing the movie to my own high school years and it made me realize yet again what a wonderful town I grew up in. My real life high school was completely different to the movie high school. It was much less cliquey even though were probably more 'rich kids' in my school. Never ever was anyone snubbed for their parents economic status. There wasn't a parent among them who would have stood for that kind of discrimination. I'm not saying that it was 100% ideal, but no one was ever left out of anything because of money. Like minded kids did hang out together but it was never based on social standing or money. How things changed in just a few short years is amazing. I don't think I'd have liked that school or town one little bit. Strange how so many didn't understand that kids are just kids. Ok, one guy got it, but the others just went their elite way. I'll have to ask Dem Der how it was in Bangor. I suspect that it was pretty much the same there as it was in Brunswick. Of course there were so few really wealthy families in town that their kids wouldn't have anyone to be friends with if they were social snobs because there just weren't enough of them. The few really wealthy familes were indeed very wealthy, very very very wealthy, but the kids were all down to earth types who never put on airs.
I am so thankful that I grew up there.

IT'S RAINING IT'S POURING

I absolutely love stormy weather. It's been raining up here since yesterday morning. The only thing that bothers me about it is that I have to get all bundled up in my rain kit to take Peg out. As it was bucketing down most of the day, with the occasional lightning and thunder show I made the poor baby wait for a break. When there was finally a break and things had settled down to a drizzle I got kitted up and we went out to go walkies with New Harley Too. NHT refused to budge so Peg ended up doing his business in the mud patch that he could reach while on his lead and I sat in the drizzle for a few minutes on NHT. I was most displeased, to put it mildly. That was the first time I've ever had trouble with a Harley in the rain. It had damn well better be the last too.
I called Afikim first thing this morning and told the new person who answered the phone to get Yefim up here PDQ to either fix Harley or take Peg walkies. Yefim should be here any minute. The new person called me back to ask if Harley was connected to his charger. Yeah, I know they don't go when they are connected. I also am not stupid enough to connect him during a storm. I've only had Harleys since 1999. I think I have pretty good idea of the basics.
Great news on the Dem Der front. They've approved a flat for him in Safed and sent the thing off to have a doctor approve a ground floor flat for him, so, I should have my house back to myself in a month or so. Not that he's been a bother. He hasn't, but I much prefer living alone.
Not much else is new except that Teadrinker seemingly decided that enough time has gone by for me to forgive her unforgivable behavior in September. It hasn't and most likely there's not enough time from now to eternity for me to forgive her. It's always all about her, her troubles and problems and she never ever takes the time to listen to mine, and is never even interested enough to stop in here. If she was, and had stopped in here, she would know that I have more than enough on my plate with Dem Der and the rotorooter. So, last night she just kept calling and calling and refused to get the message when I kept hanging up on her. There really are limits and she's gone way past mine.
Back when she called and asked me to come down there because she had to go to hospital, I put myself in the car and drove there without insurance. My car is not insured for driving on the Sabbath, but, for her I did it. Going up and down her cement path finished my right knee and it has been very painful since then. She even had the nerve to bitch about me leaving 2 glasses not in the sink and that her bed smelled of smoke. And she hung up on me when I called to see how she was doing after hitting me with the full litany of grievances including having to buy me fags. SHE HUNG UP ON ME, and then comes crawling back without so much as stopping in here to see what's going on. And expected me to actually give a flying F about her. Not likely.

ONE DOWN ONE TO GO

Right! Tha idiot heart stress test is over and I didn't understand what went on all. When it was finally my turn, a very competent gal slipped a vent in my arm and shw's even better than the nurse at my clinic. While she was doing that I could hear the person ahead of my pounding her way to nowhere on the treadmill. Boy was she huffing and puffing. She staggered out all breathless and red in the face. My turn! First the checked my blood pressure which was sky high for me. 130/95. Then they started shooting the stuff in. They stopped when I got to 125 after asking how I felt. I felt just fine and was breathing normally, even though the sound effects sounded like I was practically sprinting. Another blood pressure check and it was back to almost normal for me.119/80. I understood that what they try to do is get the heart rate up to 80% of the maximum which is around 146. I have no idea why they stopped at 126 when I was still breathing normally. Oh, well, I'll find out soon enough! Then, on to the glow in the dark part of the thing. They have two machines in the room and the poor techie tried to put me on one that was wide enough for a young anorexic child. Nope. Not going to do that so I waited for the one that adult size. Then the poor guy tells me I have to hold both arms abovr my head for 14 minutes. Um, yeah, right. He doesn't know that my left collar bone is disconnected at the outer end. I was pretty much crying from the pain 8 minutes into it. That's going to be one accurate test (not). Then he shot me with the glow in the dark stuff and to wait. The second time around was much shorter and stopped before I got to the crying part.
Now all I have to do is wait for the results.
Ah, what a joy it was to get home. I was asleep almost before getting into bed. Yesterday I went out for a quick check at the mail box, and to buy some houmus, then, just vegged across from the TV. Today it's raining and it's supposed to really storm tomorrow so I think I'll head into town in a bit, then come home to settle in for the storm.

And, now, I will post a brief history of my various and assorted hospital scarpers.

The Gimp wonders how much money she has saved the universal health care system in Israel with her early hospital check out plan.
The gimp also wonders if yet another chapter will be added to her Book of Hospital Scarpers.
I hope so. But, if not, just thought I'd post some things Peppermint, er, Mrs. Pepperhawk personally requested.
I do not do hospitals well at all. There was only ever one time when I stayed for the whole time. And I stayed only because I simply could not leave physically. Oh, I threatened, but stayed until they transferred me to the rehab hospital, from which I did in fact scarper a full month before they wanted me to leave.
My first ever scarper was in 1994 when I had the platinum plate removed from my shoulder. The katyusha that knocked me off the motorcycle in 1996 gets all the credit. I was yelling "I want out" the very next day and they let me go because I assured them that someone was indeed coming from Kiryat Shmonah to get me. How much you want to bet they would have put me in a padded room if I'd told them that I meant the bus driver? After signing all the relevant AMA releases I caught a bus back home and the driver was actually from K.S. He took a curve badly and the next day there was a faint line of blood on the dressing, and after a day or two it started to smell. Yes it was summer. I went to the clinic and asked the nurse to change the dressing which she refused to do because the ortho surgeon gets really angry if his dressings are changed. My solution to the situation was to rip it off myself and dare her to not put a new on. When I went to the doc to have the stitches out he did get very angry at the nurse. But I told him that *I* ripped it off and left the nurse with only one workable choice. When he'd calmed down he asked if I wanted to take the stitches out too? Well, yeeaah. I grabbed the suture cutter, and the thing that pulls them up, went to the mirror and took them out. He cleaned up the scabs and minor blood leaks, then put on a smaller bandage and sent me home. Sadly he has since passed away.
My next scarper was in 1998 from rehab after my stroke. I just wanted to go home, so I signed the AMA papers again and went home. Enough is enough.

The post heart attack scarper was probably the best of all. I was sitting at the computer, happily reading and answering e mails when both arms started to hurt, I broke out in a cold sweat and felt a little nauseous and a tightness in my chest. When it didn't go right away I went back to my bed, had a cigarette and waited a few minutes to see if it let up. When it didn't, I called the ambulance folks and described the symptoms. They were here in minutes with an IC ambulance that was donated by someone in the town where my father had lived (and dies) and a doctor who confirmed my diagnosis. They promptly hauled me off to hospital where I found myself in the cardiac cath room within 10 minutes of arriving and having two stents put in. From there to the brand new CICU where I behaved myself for two days. On the third day they had to send out search parties to find me as I was rolling myself all over the hospital from sheer bordom. On the fourth day they decided to move me to the intermediate care unit and I decided it was time to go home. I called a friend and asked him to come up and help me spring myself from there. He did, I signed yet another set of AMA papers, and home I went.
For my next trick a few years later, my new sawbones put some spikes in the toes of my left foot. They were painfully bent down from the stroke, and nothing I tried would straighten those toes so we decided on the spikes. I went home the next day even though he wanted me there for t least two more. That time I had a proper ride home with a stop at KFC. This new sawbones even let me pull the spikes out of my toes.
As the 'spike Franne' plan didn't exactly work, we decided to move right on to Plan C which was cutting the recalcitrant toes' first two joints off. That was done in a different hospital and I almost cancelled an hour before. I just didn't like the feel of the place. It annoyed me that 3 different nurses asked the same questions. I guess it's too complicated to have just one nurse ask all the questions one time only. So, all the stupid toes got themselves cut back, leaving one whole toe on my left foot. The gimp was ready to go home. I demanded a cigarette before letting them put me in bed after the cutbacks so I was rolled onto a balcony where I promptly announced my intention to spend the night right there. A few phone calls later about the difficult gimp and I was on my way home that same night.
I am now wondering how long I'll stay in after the carotid rotorootering. The Gimp wonders if maybe there should be some kind of rebate progrram for patients who save the system so much money on the early check out plan?

A BIG TEST TODAY

I've never really been one to sweat tests. I either pass or fail, but today's is a bit different in that it's not exactly in a classroom with multiple guess questions and failing isn't an option. I'm as ready for it as I can be. I've done everything on the preparation list, so all that's left is getting there on time and not freaking out.
We've been having more than a few crazed giggles at the thought of a mix up and them expecting me to get on a treadmill. Yeah, right. I rather doubt that anyone has gotten on one while in a wheely, but that's the only way I can. I'll have to have Dem Der on standby with the camera just in case.
That's it for now. I have one more important thing to do before getting dressed. If all goes well (and I fully expect it to) I'll be back with another post afterwards.

HOW DID THAT HAPPEN?

It's not exactly news to my three faithful readers that I've been having serious toubles with my bank account. I'm not quite sure how it happened, but they seem to be over for now. I've been sweating a check that has to be paid today and I was pretty sure there would be trouble with it. My solution to that was to get a copy of the release I signed for the insurance company to pay me 2,000 for being purple for two months. As it turned out, I'm just fine at the bank. Getting rid of all those monthly payments for the flower shop and Orna helped a lot. In fact, I'm pretty sure that's the reason for it. There's even enough to take out a little today.
I did it! I clawed my way out what could have been disastrous and an even bigger stress factory. I'm out of the Sagron family clutches! I'm chuffed to put it mildly.
And just to make things even better, Child Genius was here yesterday for a short visit and he changed that pesky light bulb in the ptopeler AND fixed my e mail! I'm now happily back at Thunderbird and off my server's webmail. Happy gimp. Smiling Gimp.

NEW KITCHEN CHAIR

To most normal people, a kitchen chair is usually one that goes with a kitchen table. To me, it is now an office type swivelly chair for me to sit on while trying to make something to eat in one of the world's strangest kitchens. I love my kitchen. It's so small that everything is in reach from where I used to stand! I could just reach out and whatever I wanted was right there. It is also small enough so that I really couldn't fall over. Now that I can't stand long enough to even fry an egg, or wait for the electric kettle to almost boil for coffee, and need a chair in there, the only things I have to stand up to get are in the either the cupboard or pantry. It works for me. The chair has to swivel so that I can just swing a bit to get things from the counter to the stove top or oven. The wheely wasn't doing the job for me because it took up too much room and was very hard to turn in that tiny space.
Moshe brought the chair over in the afternoon and I'll run the check out to him in a while. I do admit to being chuffed at not having to pay on the spot. That doesn't happen very often in this country, but there are still several stores in town that will let me get away with that.
It's nice to have the computer chair back here. The wheely really wasn't working here either. Wheelies are only good for what they are meant to do. Rolling from place to place. The Gimp House living room now looks like a wheely parking lot. It's a good thing that it's mostly just me and Peg living here, though I suspect that Peg is trying to figure out a way to give at least one of the wheelies a parking ticket. That would be the one parked in such a way to block him from wriggling into the space behind the fridge so that his hair won't clog the whatsit of the fridge. But he can get up on his chair, so that's ok.
I don't have much to do today. Just a quick run into town to get something from my insurance guy, buy fags, give Moshe his check and maybe go grocery shopping. I don't know what Dem Der has planned, but with a little luck he'll be here to help bring the goeceries in. I also must, absolutely must take the car for a quick run. It's been over a week since I last used it and it does like it's exercise.
Yefim was here yesterday and adjusted New Harley Too's handle bars and swapped the wheels from Harley Too to New Harley Too, so, no more worries about checking the air pressure or getting a flat. The ride is not noticably rougher and I am most pleased. He told me what to say to the gal who make the service call list so that he would be able to not charge me. Of course the nudnik neighbor had to ask what he was here for and if it really was worth it to bring him up here just for that. I was sorely tempted to say that it was a 'no charge' call, but that's the last thing we need. If his bosses ever found out that he didn't charge me for the last two times he was up here, he would be in big trouble, so I just said that it was an 'under waranty' call, even though it really wasn't.

GETTING A GRIP

Yesterday I ended up staying in all day and spent way too much time at the computer. That was a really bad idea as the wheely I have in here is uncomfortable in the extreme. I will get a new chair today no matter what. Something wonderful happened one of the times I went to the loo. When sitting down, there was a cracking noise in my right hip (like when you crack your knuckles) and when I got up it hurt a lot less to walk. It's still better this morning. Not pain free, mind you, but better. I can stand walking on it now. So, yeah, that can wait until I find out whether I survive the rotorooter or not.
I'm feeling a lot better about it today. Dem Der and a few other friends have really helped me get my head around it.
I "got" Dem Der yesterday. I asked very meekly if I could 'take advantage' of him, and after he stopped stopped sputtering, asked what I had in mind. All I wanted was a refill of my water bottle which he promptly refilled.
At some point he decided to go out for some fresh air and to replace the only can opener I could use that he broke. I told him that I've had a desperate craving for spaghetti lately so he got some ground beef and made a nice sauce. I thought for a while that he wouldn't survive the process as he kept asking if I like it this way or that way, with this or the other ingredient. I was on the verge of losing it with him, but made do with a mild roar to just make it already. He did and it was great. Sheesh, why couldn't he just make it without all those questions. Ok, ok, he just wanted to to be the way I like it. But it's spaghetti sauce, not rocket science. Poor guy gets really annoyed with me when I get up to fetch something rather than ask him to do it. He can't quite understand that I've lived alone for so long that I'm used to doing for myself and will have to again when he leaves. Yesterday when I got up to go to the loo he asked if he do whatever it was I was going to do for me. Even he laughed when I told him that I rather doubted he could go pee for me, but he was welcome to try!
Just this minute got some wonderful news. Yefim, New Harley Too's mechanic is on his was here to make a few adjustments and change the tires over to the old solid ones. I want those tires on because even if the ride is a little harder they can't get a flat. One less thing to worry about and a guy in town is interested in buying Harley Too from me and I want the solid tires. He can have the rest with the new tiresfrom New Harley Too for the right price. He'll be my first stop when I go into town after Yafim sorts the stuff. I just love it when the day starts with something good. That's actually two good things this morning, but then I was never much good at arthmetic! Less pain in right leg and Yefim.

DISTRACTED GIMP

I've been very distracted lately which has lead to my not quite being up to posting. The last two or so weeks have been taken up with having various and assorted tests performed upon my poor unsuspecting body. The first was an echo doppler of my carotid arteries. I suspected that the other one was in bad shape, and indeed it is. Of course the idiot place that did the test only sent part of the results and a merry battle ensued to get the rest of the results. They arrived 3 days after I saw the vacular surgery guy. While fighting that battle I went on a search for a good vascular surgeon and quite by accident stumbled upon one of the best in the country. A little insider connection and I saw him the very next day. He agreed with my diagnosis and says an operation is indeed needed but first he wants me to some kind of heart stress test. As I can't exactly get on a treadmill they have to it with some kind of drug. The first date the hospital gave me for the test was Dec 5, but Dem Der got it moved up to this coming Sunday. I'm a bit nervous about this test, and have given myself an average of 3 anxiety attacks a day since I got the date. It's a good thing I know the difference between an anxiety attack and a heart attack. I'm a little calmer now because it's being done in a hospital with a damn good cardiac unit. I decided to preempt the surgeon and have my annual blood tests done. Never mind that the last one was two years ago. They came back and everything was in normal range.
The thing that's really bothering me now is that the pain is back in my right leg with a vengeance and in some very strange places and all the time. I think it might just be another anxiety symptom because it doesn't really make sense that the shot only worked for a month. The whole thing should be over in a month or so and I'll know if I survived the operation or not. If not, the pain will be a non issue. If yes, and it's still this bad, I'll take my leg to my to the orthodoc. I really don't feel like making the long drive to see him now. It can wait.
Some jerk stole the motorcycle lock that was locked around my cripple parking space pole. I wish who ever nicked it good use of it as I have the key and it's of no use without a key. As Dem Der is here we can do the wheely from the house to the car, return wheely to the house, and again in reverse trick, so that's not the end of the world.
I have to find another chair for this computer. The black wheely is uncomfortable in the extreme. I managed to wrestle the computer chair into the kitchen somehow and it helps a lot. I think I'll get dressed and go out to Moshe's to see what he has in office chairs. Or, maybe I'll just stay in as New Harley Too needs a charge.

BLOOD TEST

Oh, yes, I'm doing just fine. Got myself up and ready nice and early yesterday and headed out for the clinic to get my blood test results. I usually run through a mental check list before leaving, but forgot that my wallet with the clinic card was on the bed and only remembered when I got to the entrance of the building. Yup, back home to get it.
I was very happy to see that my favorite GP was back at work, so I waited to get the results from him. My cholesteral is a little high, but lower than his; or so he says. Then, of course I showed him the results of the infamous carotid test and he was quite calming about and reminded me of what I already know but let myself forget in the panic of those results. It all comes down to stress. The high cholesterol, the build up of gunk on the artery. It's all stress. Gee, I wonder what I could have stressed over lately? Letting myself get bilked out of my money? Ya think maybe? I have pretty much gone cold turkey on the news. It just gets me so upset that I want to kill the TV. I feel the rage building up and there's nothing I can do about it, so why watch it? Strangly enough Fox doesn't get that reaction. Probably because it's so far away and I can look at like I would just about any other comedy show.
I've set several things in motion to get back some of the money Shmaryah 'stole' by way of my credit card. There were charges from last year's war that total around 20,000 that I did not approve, nor would I have had I known about them. The credit card company was very understanding about them and will try to help me get the money back even though it's so long after. Thing of it is; Ilana is a woman's name and the card was used by a man, either in person or over the phone. That is a big no no. They really are supposed to check the name on the card against the person presenting it. Oh, well, we shall see. It will take a while, but there's a pretty good chance that I'll get at least some of it back.
In the meantime I'm working on myself to keep the stress levels down.

THE ATTACK OF THE MICROWAVE

At least I got a few things done yesterday before the microwave decided to attack me! The paper work for the freaking heart test was sent for approval by the big mucky muck quacks who are paid astronomical salaries to second guess specilists, an appointment was made for a month from today, got called half way to my preffered grocery store to bring in the infamous results that put all this in motion, got the orders for the blood tests I haven't had for almost 2 years(that's a story worthy of it's own post) got the shopping done, got a few bureaucratic solved by phone and fax, completely ignored the computer because I'm feeling more than little distracted and by the time I got the few things not sent home by the delivery guy, was too damned tired to much else other than rest until Dem Der Mainiac got back from his wanderings. As the blood work included chloestrol tests I had to have a 'last meal' by 2100. I put something in the nuker and when it beeped, opened the door and the thing started sliding towards me. The bracket that held it's shelf to the wall had come lose, so there I stood holding at least a ton of nuker and shelf up while yelling for Dem Der Mainiac to help me. I was having visions of being trapped on the floor under the shelf and nuker. Dem Der and I came up with a solution brilliance that should earn us a prestigious prize of some sort. We wrestled the nuker to the hob, tested the shelf which turned out to be just sturdy enough to hold the tray of stuff that was on the feezer under the shelf. So, the tray moved to shelf and the nuker to the freezer top. It will take me a while to get used to the new arrangement but I won't be in danger of any more nuker ambushes!
I just rolled in from getting stuck for the blood tests. The gal who was ahead of me wanted to be stuck in an odd place, then, screamed bloody murder that it hurt. Excuse me, but you asked for it to be done there, so just shut up. Stupid blonde has absolutely no idea of what pain really is! In order to make my favorite nurse feel better about the blonde, I waited until she had the needle in, then asked when she intended to stick me! It really doesn't hurt at all, but then, I have enough pain in other places to mask that little pin prick! After some precision maneuvering I got New Harley Too out of the 'blood room' and picked up the authorization for the big heart test which Dem Der is trying to get a new date for. Between us, we pretty much have hospital where it will be done wired. Actually, he has the hospital wired, and I have the clinic in my pocket! We'll know in a few hours if the heart thing has been moved up. I have a feeling that it will be.
I have a few things to clear up with my credit card company and a whole bunch of minor housekeeping tasks to do. I rather doubt I'll be going out again today, but, you never can tell!

SHOULD BE INTERESTING

I fully expect to be a bit of a wreck over the next few weeks. I saw one of the top vascular surgeons in the country on Friday and I was right, I do need the operation and soon. I got the appointment only 3 days after getting the results of the test. That was fast. I rolled into his office, put the results on his desk and announced that I have "a little problem" He looked at them, and corrected me by informing me that I have a big problem. He was very up front and clear. He also actually looked me right in the eye while talking. That's pretty rare in this country. And of course, it's not possible to just schedule it and do it; I have to have a whole bunch of tests first. Those are the easy part. The nervewracking part is the operation itself. Ever since I can remember myself I've had an irrational fear, or maybe discomfort is a better word, about my neck. I will wear a turtleneck when ever possible. So, of course the operation is on my neck. It makes me nervous because it makes me think about how I designed the ultimate gimp house in 1972, 30 years before needing one myself. So, this old neck thing has me a little nervous as the operation can go one of 3 ways. It can be a complete success, it can give me another stroke on the other side, or, it can kill me. Of course not having it WILL kill me. I'm hoping for a complete success, of course, but this life long thing about my neck makes me wonder what's going to go wrong. I'm actually kind of looking forward to having a scar there; Dracula like. So, that's where things stand right now. I'll be going out soon to start the whole pre op test stuff. I want to get it finished and done with as soon as possible.
Sheesh, I don't even know when the operation will be and I'm already planning my scarper!
Oh, I won the fight for the rest of the results. We stopped at the place that was holding them hostage, and was told that they'd already been mailed. The doc didn't even ask for them, but that's not the point. I fully intend to write some very nasty letters about it to all the relevant parties. That just isn't going to go away.

IT COULD BE WORSE, RIGHT?

A little over a month ago I started feeing a little *fuzzy* and thought it might be a good idea to get my "good" carotid artery checked. I had the test on the 12th and got partial results results yesterday. It's pretty much what I thought it would be-not good. Now I'm trying to find a decent vascular surgeon because I most likely need a 'brain by pass'. There are two major problems looming. The first is that my doctor of choice was in a traffic accident and no one knows when he'll be back at work. The second is that even if he comes back to work it won't be before Nov. 29 in Maalot of all places. And worse yet, if I do get to see him, I only have part of the results. The important part-the pictures are not sent with the written report because the idiot quack who runs the place that does the tests refuses to release them to the patient if there is significant pathology. I spent the whole day fighting with them and have authorized Dem Der Mainiac to sue them if anything happens because of that. Docs do not like partial results. They like to see for themselves the whole thing. That idiot egomaniac doctor doesn't realize that as I am not in the health plan he works for, he will not be going the surgery. He will be getting sued if I don't get those tests. I could do the test again again at another place that sends the complete results but it will mean a delay of at least 3 weeks and there's a good chance I'll find another doctor by then. Waiting is not a good idea at this point.
I just want it done and over with. It's a dangerous operation, but not having it is even more dangerous. Of course the aggro over the missing part of the results is really not helping at all.
On a much brighter note, I had a call from my insurance company and they offered me 2,000 for the injuries I got in the car crash when a perfectly good Citroen was turned into a Cit'ruin'. Imagine that! They want to give me money for being my favorite color for a month. Or maybe in compensation for the lovely purple turning ugly yellow green? Whatever. They are giving me money. How cool is that?
Right. Back to battlefield.

BAD NIGHTS LEAD TO BAD DAYS

I had a really bad night recently that left me feeling really bad the next day. For once it wasn't exactly pain related. I just couldn't get comfotable and even though I was very tired from all the moving Dem Der Mainiac in, just couldn't drop off to sleep. Last night was a little better because I managed to stay awake until around midnight.
Lavana is really starting to piss me off, and there's not a thing I can do to make her start paying me back. I had a word with the landlord but there's not a thing he can do to help. He asked me a while back what I thought he should do do about letting her stay there and I was very vague about it. I told him yesterday that I've since changed my mind about it and that he should be very careful with her as she is most likely not going to pay him on time and that there's already a major problem with city taxes. The landlord is a sweet old guy who doesn't deserve what she's going to do to him. She just does it to everyone who tries to help her. She and her husband just don't care who they trample on as long as they keep going a little longer. They are consumate liars and con artists. At least I'm out of it now and in spite of Shmaryah's vague threats have no intention of shutting up about it. He's convinced that he's the injured party but I did catch him in more than one lie and have the proof of sevreral more so he would be well advised to stay quietly in his corner.
Rather than whining about things I can't do anything about, maybe I shouls start tackling things I can do something about, like finding the results of my last doppler test.

MISSION COMPLETED

Dem Der Maniac is now out of that flat in Safad and all moved in here. Yesterday was rough. He finally found someone to take out and store his remaining furniture, but the lock issue was never resolved. The landlord's parents came storming in and started shouting right way which rattled the guy who was trying to change the lock back to the original one. They had absolutely no legal right to do that even as their son's representative. They were there for just enough time to raise everypne's blood pressure and make a scene. They left before the cops got there, even though they claimed that they had already called the cops. The cops were called but not by them. They were actually in violation of several laws by being there and making threats. We expected them to come back before he left for the last time, but luckily for them, they didn't reappear while I was there.
They even demanded that he give them my name and address. I told him not to even think about giving it to them. The only reason they could have wanted it would be to harrass me. They so don't want to go there. In the end, he didn't give it to them.
So, that's over and he's out and safe from them. Now, it's just a matter of finding him a place of his own. Being officially homeless will help. In fact, he fully intends to stay with friends in Safad several nights a week, but Gimp House will be the main base of operations.
The whole town was in a panic yesterday. Everyone was talking about an article in one of the papers that recommended refreshing gas mask kits, getting in nylon sheets and scud tape for sealed rooms, just in case. I still haven't found out which paper that was in, and it really doesn't matter because all those things are nothing more than a way to give the population something to do in order to keep panic at a minimum. It worked when scuds were flying into the country in 1991, and will probably work again. I just think it was really stupid to have a notice in one of the papers, but, nothing on the news. The only place I found any mention of it was in the local online forum and it was just a short query by a poster. Not that I'm actively looking for anything about it.
Some one forgot to post this before going out. I'm pretty sure that's a sign of something, but I really don't want to know what of exactly. After 3 months of procrastinating I finally got my mobile phone bills sorted! The company that confused itself and tried to convince me that my numbers with them had been given to some else, when they had not, and sold me two new SIM cards for the phones, was still charging me for the cards which I had returned the very same day while proving to him that my old numbers (the ones they said we'ren't mine any more were indeed alive and well in my phones, gave me a refund. We also declared Bat Chen's phone lost/stolen so that all I have to pay on that mistake is the cost of the phone.
At the other company I discovered that instead of each minute at 45 agorot (=less than 1 cent) I get 100 minutes for 49 shekels per month and over 100 minutes pay 45 agorot. That's quite all right. With Dem Der Maniac living in, the number of calls I make will go way down. It was a bit of shock to find out that I talked enough last month to run over by 10 minutes! Now all that's left is to get Shmaryah's incoming only only phone off my account. It's a damn good thing that he didn't bother to check if he had a line or not for outgoing because I almost forgot to tell them to roll over the outgoing block on that line. I must not forget next time around. At least now I've gotten all the parasites off my bank account and credit cards. That will certain make things easier.

LEGAL ISSUES

My lawyer just left and it looks like things just might start moving again on the air conditioner case. Arrest warrents here are only valid for three months, then they have to be renewed. I find it mindboggling that the cops can't find one lousy excuse for a woman in that time. Hell, I found her but only a few days before the warrent ran out. And it only took me two days! It really is too bad that it ran out because I actually saw her in my clinic with her mother the other day. If only it had still been valid.........but we'll have a new one on Sunday, so with just a little luck we'll get her arrested on either Sunday or Monday. I would so like to be there when they get her. Our laws concerning debtors might be medevally draconic, but they eventually work. After they arrest her she doesn't get out of jail before paying a hefty part of what she owes and comes to an agreement with the court for paying the remainder. This time she's going down. It's too bad that her father who is the real culprit in this story is protected because he has so many debts that the only way to hurt him is to prove that uses his protected status to keep from paying. I just might have a way around that, but the first priority is to get her to pay something.
I'm sitting here looking at my floor and thinking that I really should wash it, but it's way too hot even with the a/c on. It's 95 degrees right now and I was out all morning, including a quick jaunt to Safad to help Dem Der Mainiac with something. What I really should do is make something to eat and rest for a bit. I should also fill up some water bottles to freeze. Yup, sounds like a plan. The floor isn't going anywhere.

INTERMITTANT MEMORY LOSS

There were at least four things I wanted to write about here, but I can't remember even one of them. I did remember that I wanted to write a note to myself about them, but my trusty notepad was not close to hand. Maybe something will come to me while I type.
Today has been a stay in day because there wasn't really anything to go out for. Not that that usually stops me, but I got a really late start and even before my sip of coffee I was asked to move my cat so they could paint the space 'cripple blue'. I was wondering when they'd get around to it as they've done most of the other cripple spaces in town. Now no one can use "I didn't notice" as an excuse. My idiot neighbor from across the way said that now they'll give us parking tickets if we don't park inside the lines. Yeah, he's almost funny.
Yesterday I manuevered one of the wheelies into the kitchen and today I did the dishes. It only took an hour, but the sink is now empty. I think that maybe I'll tackle the floor tomorrow from the other wheely.
I got some fantastic pictures of the baby from my son today. She is the cutest baby I've ever seen, and I've only seen her in pictures. I'm getting itchy to travel again. It's only been a little over a year since my last trip but the USA and UK are calling. Maybe a miracle will happen and one of the jerks who owes me money will pay up. Just one and I'm all set. It would be even nicer if the Boynton Beach Bitch would pop her clogs, hopefully before her new boyfriend can get his hands on everything. I do not trust that bitch as far as I can walk.

Why ME? WHY ME ALL THE TIME?

I just love quoting Eric Von Zipper. He is my hero. I'm not quite sure where to start the litany of stupid things I've done over the past week, so I'll start with the dirty glasses. On my way home from Safad one night I was having trouble seeing the road. That can often be blamed on the Israeli driver's penchant for using high beams when they are not needed. It took a couple of seconds to realize that wasn't it. Everything looked blurry and dirty. I took off my glasses and there was the road! Luckily my license doesn't require me to wear glasses. The ones I wear to drive are more sunglasses than anything else and have never bothered me at night before. When I finally got them into the house and saw the lenses, I was amazed that I seen the car to get into it, never mind the road. Those were the filthiest pair of glasses I've ever seen.
Last night it was up to Safad for the big showdown with Gem Der Mainiac's landlord. His Hebrew is ok but he has trouble understanding religious school Hebrew which is spoken very fast. I had two kids who spoke it until I slowed them down, so I have no trouble with it. We were expecting a tirade and a show of semi hysteria. I'm pretty good in those situations. So there I was sitting in a corner in my wheely when the landlord came in. The wind going out of his sails was visible. He was ready for a fight but obviously didn't want a witness. I didn't have to say much and in the end he left the electric on. Dem Der Maniac was gleeful that things ended so quietly. It seems that he told a few of his neighbors that I am not a gimp anyone wants to tangle with! I'm just glad that it ended in a whimper, not a boom. It was also obvious that he was surprised that I could follow his religious school Hebrew effortlessly. Dem Der kept asking him to slow down, but I usually had an answer out before it really registered!
I was home before the news started but skipped it and watched some of the stuff on the TIVO. I'm gettting pretty good at breaking my news addiction.
This morning I opened my credit card statemements and found a few more automatic payments to cancel. One of them was for the cash register at Lavana's, and the electric bill which has already been removed from my card, but she owes me for both. The other was Orna's cable TV. We made a deal about that but she's still pissed off that I dared ask her to help up at Dem Der's and didn't come in so much as once this past week. So, I called the cable company and told them to take it off my card and they wanted to ask her if she had another way to pay it. I hope she does, but if she can't live up to her end of the deal, it's her problem. Just getting rid of those saves me almost 1.000 a month.

Then, I decided to go grocery shopping. I didn't really have time last week because of all the 'to do' in Safad. I picked up everything I need and went through the check out without stealing anything for once, only to discover that my check book wasn't in my bag. I'd forgotten to put it back after getting the credit cards out. So, back home to get the check book, then, back to the store to write a check and home again to bring all the stuff inside. That was a nightmare of pain, but it's all in, and put away now. For my next trick, I will wash the dishes (thanks ever so much, Orna), then settle in for some TV, reading, and maybe a kip.

GETTING THERE

Right! Dem Der Maniac's phone is safely installed in his room. It was working just just fine when Installer Guy left, as was mine. When I went in to put it on follow me to his mobile there was no line, and there was also none on my phone next to the computer, so we called and they sent fix it guy to sort it. There's still something wrong with mine, and I think it's the phone itself. The one next to my bed is fine. All that means is that I'll have to find another phone for next to the computer. I like the phone because it has a headset that lets me have both hands free. I like that for two reasons. The first is that it's really hard for me to hold the receiver to my ear and the second is that I can continue typing while on the phone. I'll figure it out next week sometime.
I rained last night and poor New Harley Too got all wet because his shack is full of Dem Der Mainiac's stuff.
I'm going to have to deal with washing the floor later today. It's gone past a state that even I can stand. I am so not looking forward to that. I'm not even thinking about doing it without the wheely, and trying to figure out exactly how to do it from the wheely has been occupying my mind for the last 24 hours. It will be interesting to say the least.
It's Friday and a short day. All I have to do in town is pick up the local papers, come home and start cleaning up the disaster area that is Gimp House. Once that is done, I'll be able to catch up on my other two blogs.

ALMOST FINISHED

I might just have outdone myself yet again. Yesterday I raided my bank account, closed the deal with my mover guy and headed for Safad. I got there at around noon and the cleaning/packing gal and Dem Der Mainiac hadn't gotten much done by the time I arrived. By 1630 we had 6 or so tons of junk thrown out and everything that was coming down boxed and ready. The landlords father came over and made a few vague threats, but he was way off base and is not exactly anything to worry about. We ran into a major snag with Moving Guy. He couldn't get the cabinet tht was supposed to come out, so we took the fridge instead. He had a head start on me but I cught up with him less than half way down the drunken snake road and blasted by him at the turn onto the new 'super highway'. Of course when I got home there was an idiot in my space. By the time she vacated it, after insulting me, Moving Guy was here. Everything fit in the storage shed, and he was gone before the news came on at 2000. Not a bad days work for a cripple in a wheely! Left to his own devices it would have take Dem Der Mainiac at least another week to get ready. I'll be heading up there soon to supervise the clean up and last few details, after a quick run into town for fags. The stuff that's left can come down in the car, then we'll be all set, and able to concentrate on getting him a housing authority place.
Once that's done I'll be able to get back to what passes for normal with me! My e mail is piling up and I'm only answering personal mails for the time being. With a little luck I'll get it cleaned up tonight.

GETTING A FIRMER GRIP

Things are actually starting to fall in place for Dem Der Maniac's move. I got the truck sorted and finally got my brain in gear on the help issue. Now, all that's left is to do the packing, throwing away and cleaning. Having seen exactly what's in the place I now have a gtip on what needs to be done and how long it should take. In my pregimp days I could have had it ALL done in less than 3 hours. Seeing as how I can't do it, I'm allowing a very generous 6 hours for a regular person with me cracking the whip! Dem Der Mainiac being of the masculine persuasion can not be trusted to supervise. There's also the fact that I've moved 20 or so times and have much experience. So, I'll spend most of tomorrow in Safad.

I just wrestled my laundry line stand thingy into position on the ramp and will hang the stuff that has now gone through the washer twice shortly. I just put the wet stuff on the house wheely, sit on New Harley Too and hang it. I can actually handle that myself. I'm a little afraid to open the machine because I fear the stuff could well be ruined. That will not go over well. I only stopped here for a few minutes to rest and post this. This do half something, rest, then do the other half is getting old. It might slow things down, but, in the end I get things done!