FRESH FRUIT, MEN, AND ME

Every time I take the bus to Haifa the same thing happens. As we go by the pardess(citrus grove) that I worked in so long ago (1970) I get all senti'mental' and start wondering about *what might have beens* I loved working there. There was something wonderful about getting up in the middle of the night,(we started at 05:30 riding through the fish ponds on a flat wagon with legs dangling over the sides, and being among, and taking care of trees. It took a long time, but in the end the crew accepted me, and my roommate as members of the crew. We did everything they asked us to do, and when it came time to pick the fruit, we were as fast as anyone else. There was nothing I loved more than cutting the fruit and watching my box fill up, unless it was taking a break under a grapefruit tree, and eating a grapefruit I'd just picked. I still have the cutters I used then, and most important, the memories. Looking back, I think those were the best days of my life. Yesterday was no different. The pardess has changed and I doubt I could navigate my way through the fish ponds on a tractor like I used to. Of course I can't drive a tractor now, but back then, they often sent me with the tractor back to the kibbutz proper to pick up things we needed. I *do* have a picture of me driving a tractor on another kibbutz, and maybe I'll scan and post it later.
Yesterday my thoughts sort of took off on their own, and started wondering about the men in my life, in particular, the one I let get away but maybe shouldn't have. He was a huge bear of a man, appropriately named Dov and I worshipped him to the point that I was too scared by it to stick it out. I'm not sure that anything permanent would have worked between us for several reasons, among them the fact that I don't think I could have been happy living on a kibbutz for any length of time and I'm pretty sure that leaving would ever have entered his mind. Yes, he's still there. That line of thought got me to wondering if I could have been happy with any of the men in my life, and I'm just not sure. There are two big maybes; Mike, my South African ex boss, and *G* the one who shall remain nameless. To this day, I don't know why I pushed Mike away, and I desperately want to know what he's doing these days. As to *G*, I know exactly what happened(irreversible things that made a future impossible) and know where he is, and still miss him. Looking back, Dov wins as my first love, and Mike is the one I never should have let get away, and would be ever so happy if he showed up here one day, but it's not likely as no one I know has any idea where he is. I heard years ago that he went back to South Africa, and I just can't bring myself to call his ex wife and ask her. Ah, well, it's not like I'm lonely or anything. I'm quite happy on my own and maybe that's what's meant to be. I just get to wondering sometimes is all, especially when I go my pardess. I just hope my guys are happy doing whatever they're doing, with whomever they are doing it with. Then there was Danny, the first Israeli I ever met. Him I wonder about all the time and am most curious about where he is these days and what he's doing. I've forgiven him for making fun of my Hebrew, as it is now as fluent as my English! I really would like to know what's become of him. Ah, ancient history. There's not much I can do except sit here at Gimp House and wonder about all the *What ifs* Enough nostalgia for now. It's time for coffee # 2 and to get out of here and get some shopping done.