Teadrinker

That was a scream you just heard. I spent an hour trying to get this written and a pic added, only to lose the whole thing. I am not a happy gimp right now.
I decided to beat Teadrinker to the punch and tell the story before she goes out and buys a computer for the sole purpose of sullying my reputation. Can't allow that, now, can we?
TEADRINKER
One day long ago on a day lost in the mists of historical,(hysterical?) memory, my phone rang. This happened after the big crip demonstration in Jerusalem that I went to in order to
1) meet other gimps,
2) learn more about what we are eligible for,
3)to wreak havoc on the government-ever a favorite past time! Success on all counts.
Back to that phone call. I answered and a veddy veddy uppercrust Brit accent assaulted my ears. "My name is Gill, I live on Moshav B*****ya. Momo gave me your number because your English is better than his" To which I said "How can I help you?" There is something about crips that they can recognize each other just by talking on the phone. She told me about all her troubles with social insecurity and her nonworking antisocial worker and said that she can no longer get out of the house. I said "I'll get back to you in a few minutes" and called Benny who called Doron, the scooter rep down there and Ruth. Ruth Benny and I decided to split the cost of a second hand scooter for her as the need was immediate. Doron was there the next day and reported back that things are even worse than we thought and to cut him in.
Pegasus, her first scooter was delivered the next day. Gill is still somewhat breathless from it to this day! We started talking by phone frequently and one day she told me that she had to be at hospital for a 6 hour text the next week. I told her not to be surprised if she saw a Big Purple rolling towards her. I got on the bus (don't ask) heading southward and appeared at her side. I stayed over that night and we started the crusade to get social insecurity to pay up! At some point she became Teadrinker due to my aversion to tea, and just about anything British. On 9/11 we founded S.H.I.T. Supreme Headquarters for Idiotic Silliness which was a follow up to the G.F.I.N Golan Family Information Network. Most of the communiques are in the old hard drive, following are the ones in this HD!

The prime mission of S.H.I.T. is to cause you to grin, smile or have a good giggle or laugh at least once a day. We are as horrified as you, but as firm and unshakable believers in irreverency, if it isn't a recognized organized religion, it should be, with us as the first ordained clergy. Lt. Colonel Lexie reports that this morning General Teadrinker has so far
1) Tried to mute the T.V. with her cellphone, Commander Freddie. 2) Tried to answer a call from General Purplegimp to Commander Freddie with the T.V. remote (as yet rankless and known only as gun because you point it and shoot)
3) sat on gun and changed channels.
4) bombarded S.H.I.T. headquarters with demands to promote Major Lexie to Lt. Col., which was done the full approval of Cols Ragamuffin and Pegasus.
S.H.I.T strongly urges you to acquire a DVD and a list of approved movies will follow. Hallmark had scheduled Aftershock for Tuesday. eve. Not recommended for the near future. Wizard of Oz is always our first choice, followed by Lethal Weapon 1,2,3,And,4. Southern Command recommends Camelot and Walt Disney, complete list to follow.

Declaration of State of Emergency at S.H.I.T. Northern Command Headquarters
Suspected thieves/spies in in HQ
03:57- 2 packs of cigarettes and 2 new lighters disappeared mysteriously from their place on General Purplegimps field office(bed).
A) 1 pack of Winston Lights with 1 ugly blue lighter and 1 pack of Broadway(Israeli brand) with pretty purple lighter, both packs over half full disappeared from their place next to the cell phones, T.V. remote control, and cell phone battery chargers. None of the staff claimed responsibility for displacement of these important items of military equipment. All other logical possible sites were searched thoroughly, freezer, fridge, microwave, pillowcases, oven, and shoes with no luck. Alarm systems were not activated.
09:30- S.H.I.T. Command post was evacuated while being searched by Private Irit Golan, who is also a Sgt. 1st. class in the national Police Force, assisted by Cols Ragamuffin and Pegasus. Missing equipment was found under bed by teams using HazMat equipment.
State of Emergency to remain in effect until apprehension of perpetrator.
09:55- A desperate attempt to wrest sole command of S.H.I.T. from General Purplegimp was quickly put down, and an Alert notice of the highest order instated.
Please keep S.H.I.T. informed so that appropriate action can be taken.

Social insecurity finally paid up and the battle to get Teadrinker to spend money was underway. She got a fax, new fridge, washer, dryer, bedroom suite with a mattress like mine, a new chair, and sofa bed. She is still balking at getting a computer, but announced yesterday that she will get for the sole purpose of making my life miserable because she can type and look at the monitor at the same time and I can't! We'll just see about that!!! So what if I type slow and can't spell? I CAN and DID get my webcam working! As usual the solution was so simple that even Ragamuffin could have thought of it. Now, I think it's time to go dig out a cigar. Cheers.