Still a bit off

After a good sleep, I'm still feeling a bit off. I'm panicking about getting the money to Val for Susie's trip. Why do I always mess myself up when things are going well? Everything was going just fine (max money from disability) a nice savings account. I was smart enough to start putting 150 in a savings account every month no matter what when I started getting disability. One more debt needed paying and I got that cleared up with an additional 150 a month, and added that to the savings....300 a month which has since climbed to 500 a month. I put a stop on it there and now have about 25,000 in that account. 6100 from disability is a nice amount to live on a month. Why then, did I agree to help help Striar the liar with his communication troubles? I knew damn well need mess me up. How? Like so many other things, I just KNEW! But in my arrogance, I thought I could control it and cut it off if he messed up too bad. Too bad for me that I didn't put a stop to it in time, or maybe I did? By the time I cut him off, he'd done my account for 30,000. Had it gone on for another month, I'd never have gotten out of it. As it is, I'm paying off an 8,000 loan to get the account back in line. I agreed to let him live if he'd pay 400 a week. He was pretty good about it until 2 months ago. At some point I informed him that the only way to get rid of my demands is to pay a lump sum of 3,000 plus what he is in arrears. He's playing with it now, but if he makes so much as a whimper before payday, he'd damn well better be prepared to send at least 1,000, I'll go there and take it all. What a sleaze. He knows I have to send $200 to Val for Susie, and he's looking for way to wriggle out of it. Not very likely. It will just cost him more in the long run. He might have forgotten that I have all the phone numbers he called from those bills and that I can easily tell all those poor unsuspecting friends just what a louse he really is, and enjoy doing it!
I amaze myself every time I talk to him. I've never ever spoken to anyone like I've spoken to him. When he was trying to pull the "I might have cancer" bullshit, I actually told him that he doesn't have cancer, but is himself a malignancy! I also told him to wait til I get there, when he threatened to jump out a window as I wanted to be the one to push him and asked him to be sure the hospital knows to notify me if he pops his clogs during a minor operation he's been going on about in an attempt to get sympathy. When he asked why, I blithely told him that I want to know so I can send out the invitations to the party and start my eulogy. Every time he calls he uses that pathetic "I don't even have the strength to talk" voice. Not that it works on me. I just get nastier. This guy has messed up so many people and yet has the nerve to think he's actually helped. In a sick kind of way he did help me, but did a great disservice to anyone who comes along now whom I otherwise would have helped. I WILL NEVER PUT MYSELF IN THAT POSITION AGAIN. The big difference between him and Susie is that I am not helping Susie, I am giving her a gift of love Striar the liar it was supposed to be a business thing. He never once paid on time until I cut off his phones except the cell phones I had no control over. He eventually returned the two I'd lent him. But not until several months after I closed the lines, and he figured out there was no way I'd open them. His land line was cut off by the phone company this week. I'd like to know how he blackmails the gal at the phone company who keeps it open for so long. If he thinks I'm going to leave him enough money to get it back this month, he's wrong! He could clear things up easily if he'd just turn his disability over to someone who is strong enough to reel in his over spending, especially on phone calls. I would cut his line off from overseas calls and not let him have more that 125 for cell phone cards. That's more than enough. But he'd rather live on the brink and cry to the both the phone and electric company every time he gets a bill. I only make local calls, if someone wants to talk with me, let it be their dime! I also haven't had the airconditioner on for the last two months, and hope to be able to keep it off for two more. I'm just lucky that house walls haven't heated up yet and it's very comfortable inside. Enough whining......Time to do something else.