I'm just in one of those moods these days; feeling sorry for myself and angry at myself all at the same time. I really don't have all that much to whinge about. I'm still here-against all the odds and I've been in much worse financial shape than I'm in now, so why am I whining about a situation that is all my fault? Most likely because I can. And there's a little bit of anger at supposed friends who I let take advantage of me when I knew better. I've been over this with myself before and I don't do it in order to 'buy' friends. It's simply because I have a hard time seeing them going without when I can indulge myself. It really is that simple and it's going to get even simpler from now on. No more. I've worked damn hard all my life (ok, only since I was 10 and put to work in the family business) and I came by my disability benefits honorably. I went from work to hospital with a stroke and things just went downhill from there until I was eligible for what I get today. And I paid into the national insurance system from the first day I arrived here. So there. I don't know how much longer I'll be here (none of us does) but I intend to stay as long as I can. I still have some unfinished things to do and if I'm given the time, I fully intend to do them. When I'm done, I'll go happily. But until then, I'll just try to get the important things done and be thankful for every minute I'm still here. I've had a damn good run and done a few somewhat important things, and can only hope and pray that I'll have time to get a few more done.
So, don't take my whinging too seriously. I don't.
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