TRYING TO GET BACK TO *NORMAL*

The word normal when used to describe me should be read with a grain of salt. Normal and I are not often on speaking terms. It's much more accurate to use the word usual, but I'm in one of 'those' moods today.
The Shiva was hard, and lonely, but I got through it without too much trouble. Staying away from the computer was hardest, but I managed. I even managed to go out the day it was over, then, the phone calls started. Aron called for my address, to send legal will type documents. That brought about it's own storm of tears. I somehow managed to stay awake all day and got to sleep at a reasonable hour, only to be woken a few minutes later by The Wicked Stepmother who wanted my address and a decision on what to with an insurance policy my mother left and Dad left me. Even I'm not stupid enough to give an answer while still half asleep, so I told her I'd call back after consultations. I had a nice long consultation with myself and decided to have it sent here. I asked if there was one for The Jeffey too but there isn't. When I called her back to tell her to send it here, she told me Dad had left me considerably more than he left The Jeffey because he felt I would enjoy it more and it would make my life as a gimp easier. She asked about my trip to Holland and I told her that I really don't feel like going, but will go because The Philmore was so glad that I can and do travel. She pretty much yelled at me that I'd better go because he really was thrilled about it. Ok, I get the message and will go and try to be my usual carefree happy go lucky self. He *did* want me to go and staying here and moping around won't change a thing.
That Woman gave me a ball park figure of how much I can expect when probate is over and it's pretty scary. Most people here think that such an amount is reason to celebrate, but, trust me, it's not. It's a monster responsibility. I'm going to have to take it real slow and be very careful as I am more than capable of running through it in a few hours. The insurance policy and the judgment against Albilia will sort my bank account permanently and buy a car. I'm going to have to find an independent advisor about the rest. I did get some good advice from Richard and I intend to take it. He advised me not to tell anyone at all how much I'll be getting, so I'm not, except for the insurance policy....$6500, the rest will remain a deep dark secret. Let 'em speculate. I'm not even going to get a brand new car yet, just a reasonably new used one. With any luck I'll find a Ford ragtop. I will be able to indulge my wanderlust and do some serious traveling which will be nice. It really sucks to be thinking about all that when he's only been gone for two weeks, but the real world doesn't stop and wait for anything or anyone, so I'd better get my head around it.
It's a bit disconcerting that people here think that having a large amount of money fall into your hands isn't a big deal that requires thought and planning and that it can be extremely stressful. I'm having my usual physical reactions to stress.....odd pains, fluctuating blood pressure and so on. Every time I answered a sympathy email I got dizzy and woozy, so I thought that maybe I could start to get over that by posting here.
At the risk of repeating myself, I really do miss The Philmore inspite of all the disagreements we had over the years, and feel a bit better that we were good at the end. It's also good that he was very much himself right up to that last week and that it was relatively quick. He was able to enjoy his life as usual right up to the end. I'm also glad I was able to make him understand that The Jeffey is actually a success story, and that he told The Jeffey that a few months before the end. That was very important for The Jeffey and when we spoke after Dad told him, he was so proud, as well he should be. Imagine believing for 50 years that your parent believes that you are a complete failure and disappointment and then find out that he's actually changed his mind and tells you so. I'm so pleased I could give them both that.
I think the writing therapy helped. I've been typing away for awhile now and none of the stress symptoms have appeared. I rather doubt this is a full cure for it, bit it is a start.