PLANES TRAINS AND BUSES

This is going to be long, so don't feel obliged to read the whole thing. There will NOT be a quiz!
Thursday dawned and as expected, I didn't quite leave enough time for a leisurely departure and ended up leaving things behind: 1) the copies of Cab's Chicken Run fic for Dirk, 2) Dirk's copy of my cookbook, 3) the cover pages of both to be signed by Dirk, 4) baby butt wipes 5) my wheelchair cushion 6)&7) Billy and Fred, 8) socks 9) small travel coffee 10) Leia's giftie and a few other odds and sods that really weren't missed 'much'. My bus left at 0800 and got to Kfar Saba at around 1230. Zahava and I decided to go visit Sid (my wheelchair guy) so he could check BBC and when we got there, I promptly sky dived from the front passenger seat of her Econoline into a heap in the car park. I heard a click and needed help getting up which was provided by Sid and a very nice passerby. BBC was pronounced healthy and we went to Zahava's to figure out if we should take my ankle to the local branch of my health clinic, or ignore it. We decided to get it checked out and arrived at the clinic where I was seen without delay and sent to the local ER where the foot was ex rayed from every conceivable angle and eventually declared whole but badly sprained. Good thing it was useless foot and that I'm already in a wheelchair! A nurse bandaged it up and back to Zahava's we went, where we were joined by Bat Chen, her son and a friend. No pre flight nap for the gimp. It was off to the airport at 0100 and, as usual, I was whisked through security and check in and arrived at the gate fagless and a whole hour before duty free opened. A darling young man invited me to a cup of coffee and cigarette to pass the time until Duty Free opened. I bought 4 cartons of a cigarette I'm not overly fond of, but can tolerate. 1 carton went into my handbag and the other 4 were sent to await my return. I spotted a little something for Jaguar that I decided on the spot to buy and get Dwight to sign. At long last it was time to board the plane and I was bumped to Business Class, where I joyfully discovered that I didn't need the seat belt extension. Oh joy, oh happiness. The flight was uneventful until we reached Schipol air space where we were held in the stack for ages. When we were finally cleared to land, I had to help the pilot who must have been asleep in landing 101. Not enough power and nose a bit too low. He managed to slam the plane down in a most un ElAl like way, much to my disgust. We then found ourselves in a traffic jam on the runway. My plan to waste time by checking my bag worked and it was the last one out. After being wheeled to the exit and still having almost 4 hours to wait for Leia, I found a coffee bar and parked myself there for the duration. I got bored and decided to go down and watch the arrival door, and at some point thought it might be a good idea to find out which gate Leia would be coming through. Her gate was at the other end of the airport, so off I went, until I found it, about 10 minutes before she arrived. She had no trouble identifying the gimp wearing purple in the wheelchair (duh) and it was off to figure out the train stuff. The first train info guy started the process of organizing the gimp ramp for train boarding only to hand us over to his replacement who finished the process and told us to meet the person who would help us at the red wall behind her at 1600 for the 1610 train to Utrecht where we were expected at 1700. Having an hour to kill we went off exploring and arrived at the appointed hour and place 15 minutes early, not to be met. Leia went to the info desk which was by this time manned by an obviously Arab fellow who was promptly dubbed Achmed who claimed to know nothing about the arrangements. Leia made sure he got things sorted and soon we were whisked away to the train by a wonderful, friendly, sensible, young man who got us settled on the train. I made a comment to the effect that he should handle with care, lest I use my one one sentence in Dutch, which he, of course, challenged me to say. He was so cute and sweet that I did ask him to marry me, and he promptly turned me down-wise man. This became a recurring theme during the weekend, and I was turned down by every single person I proposed to, but it was fun and all in good humor.
We arrived in Utrecht and met by another ramp guy who gave us vague directions on how to get out of the station. We found a way out, and went looking for a taxi amid buses, trains and bicycles. We finally found one and arrived at the hotel where I promptly tried to pay him with an Israeli coin that looked like the Euro one that was required. He took it in good nature and was properly paid, and we went into the hotel, checked in and were met by Janet and her Ramses. We all trooped up to our room and chatted a while about plans for that evening and the next day. We went to a lovely pub just next to hotel where Leia and I mixed and matched dishes from the menu with great success. I had a lovely Murphy's draught and Leia and I both had enjoyed our mix and match. Janet and Ramses weren't as successful with their choices, but it was a lovely evening including yet another refused proposal by our darling waiter!
Back to the hotel where I set my cellphone to ring at 07300 forgetting that I didn't change the time on it, so it rang at 0730, which was 0630. Oops. We had arranged to meet for breakfast at 0800 so I wasted time looking out the window and letting Leia sleep a bit longer.
Breakfast was a lovely buffet with great whole grain breads and lots of other great stuff. The coffee was good too. After breakfast we headed over to the venue where we were treated to our first hint that maybe this event might not be as well organized and the e tickets lead us to expect. E tickets implied computerized lists, but they were using printouts (not faster computers) which greatly delayed things. After a much too long wait, we were in and discovered a down ramp that was much fun to *fly* down, Leia propped on the handles and me with outstretched arms yelling wheeee all the way while innocents scattered out of our flight path. A quick recon and we found Dwight and Dirk's table which already had the longest line, and we went to find the token buying table. We asked at the info desk and were answered with a wave of the hand in the general direction. The token prices were outrageous so I only got enough for Jags' surprise and my trashbag. Back to the D&D table where the line was longer yet. Our turn arrived and Dwight's first words were to the token collector were "This lady is my friend, she does not pay" and my tokens were promptly handed back (I still have them) He asked if I'd been keeping up with the Dark Matters list and hinted that maybe someone should have a polite word with our very young fan there. I agreed to take a shot at it as diplomatically as possible. We had a very short chat while he signed my stuff and he checked that we were on for the VIP party that night! Then, over to Dirk's side where he signed the carefully folded trash bag(Jips had told me that Dirk likes to mess with Dwights signature so I took precautions) and there was a quick chat including Dwight who told Dirk that he and I are old buddies. Glowing happily, we rolled off to find Orly Shoshan, an Israeli actress who was in Star Wars. On the way we were challenged to a race by R2D2 who won much to the amusement of bystanders. Orly and I had a lovely chat in Hebrew and she was surprised to hear that I had come from Kiryat Shemonah special for this. I quickly explained about A Team fans while she signed a concept picture of her character with lovely purple shadings that will soon be framed and hung on the *liberry* wall.
Having accomplished that day's goals, we headed back to the hotel and discovered bike paths and a shorter route. I settled in for a kip and Leia went exploring. I woke up a bit hungry and in need of coffee. I made an emergency cup using the scalding water from the tap and the wee jar of coffee Zahava kindly gave me. As Leia had still not appeared, I decided to go to the lobby and wait for her there. The lobby was full of people and staff scurrying about offering drinks and tidbits. I politely refused, not knowing what the occasion was. At long last the chair I had my eye on was vacated and I promptly plonked myself down in it. Leia wandered in and joined me. We decided to order a light snack from the menu using our tried and tested mix and match method only to be informed that the kitchen was closed due to the grand reopening of the restaurant and be invited to help ourselves to the buffet, which we did. While enjoying the delish tidbits, Janet and Ramses marched in, stopped at the reception desk and disappeared in the direction of the elevators. As they didn't return by the time we wanted to leave for the party, we left without them. When we got to the venue Leia found that she had left her arm band at the hotel so she parked me by the door and ran back. I was entertained by a group doing impropmtu dances lead by a very slim energetic black guy. He was funny even in Dutch. Leia arrived back in record time and we went in, where I spotted a lady in a power chair with purple sticks(crutches) tied to the back, talking excitedly with a man holding a cane and another bloke in a wheelchair. We stopped next to her and I asked where she got the sticks and we found out that the party was cancelled and quite possibly the rest of the con. Ramses called and told us not to bother going to the venue as the evening had been cancelled. I told him we were already there and that it might just go on. They showed up a bit later on the off chance I might be right. Rumors were flying, among them that all the actors had gone to Amsterdam, that their security could not be guaranteed by the security staff, to which we replied that is was more likely the security of the organizers that was in jeopardy! Someone said that there was no sense hanging around as there were no VIPs. My retort "What are WE? Chopped liver?" I announced that I knew two actors who would not abandon ship and were most likely arguing to continue the con at that very minute and that if someone could find out which hotel they were at, we'd find them at the hotel bar. As it turned out the hotel was pretty far away, and after a bit more discussion about the cowardly organizers who didn't have the balls to face us, a large group decided to party at a hotel bar on the 21st floor of a hotel across the street from the venue. The group included that lady with the purple sticks, the black dancing guy who is also a cop in Holland, and one of the funniest, fun people it has been my fortune to meet. He's also smart as evidenced by his swift rejection of my marriage proposal. We took over the far end of the bar and had a rollicking good time. Updates on the state of the con arrived via cell phone and we learned that the next day would be a *go*. Pictures were taken of the group and email addys exchanged.
Back at the hotel I set the cell phone to alarm, this time taking into account the time difference. After another yummy breakfast, it was back to the venu to see what was up. We caught one of the head (un) organizers and had a go at him. He blamed the actors, specifically one woman and one A Teamer as the culprits. After a quick look around and schedule check we decided to explore Utrecht until Dwight and Dirk's Q&A session at 1400. Leia heroically pushed me along bike paths where we managed to avoid bikers and other traffic hazards, until KFC came into sight and I almost got swept away by a bus. A BIG BUS. We also found the short cut to the train station where Leia parked me outside to watch the traffic while she went to sort the ramp for the next morning. This time she came back brandishing a number. Back to the venue for Q&A,of which we missed a few seconds due to even more managerial incopmpetence. We caught up with them(D&D) after the post Q and A photo session and Dwight told us the whole story, and Leia piped up that I had defended them and it turned out that I was correct about them being in the hotel bar! Dirk said that Dwight was upset and kept saying that he had to get to the party because Franne was there! Dwight and Dirk were duly presented with their Cuban cigars which turned out to be the very brand Dirk had mentioned the night
before. I then gave Dwight my cell phone so he could read a text message
from CabAret. While Dwight was reading I told Dirk that the cigars had
come to Holland from Israel and he rather enjoyed that detail. Both were
amazed that I had brought a text message received in Israel from
Indonesia and we chatted about that and Cab for a few minutes, then I invited them to join us at the 21st floor bar that night and they said they'd try. A
split second before they were hauled off to continue their duties,
Dwight obeyed the instruction in the text message and gave me another
huge hug and kiss. That was the end of the con as far as we were
concerned so it was back to the hotel and a kip for the gimp while Leia
went to find an internet cafe and make a KFC run. No Cafe, but the KFC
was great. The 4 of us went to the bar on the off chance that the lads
would show up, and we left around 0100 when it was obvious even to this
eternal optimist that they wouldn't arrive. Except for the canceled
party, it was a wonderful weekend.
The above is my report to the Dwight Schultz and VA lists. There was a bit more, but I want to savor those moments. After our evening at the 21st floor bar Leia and I said our goodbyes to Janet and Ramses and set the phone for an early wake up so as to have time for an early breakfast and a leisurely trip to the train station by way of our newly found short cut. It was mildly moist outside but not raining. Leia left me parked near an elevator to go get my assistance who suddenly appeared before she came back and whisked me away. She caught up with us at the last minute and I assured her that I had not been kidnapped, nor had I proposed marriage to some poor fool and been accepted!She was startled to find me missing and asked random people if they'd seen a purple lady ina wheelchair. After a lovely train ride to Schipol where we were met by the same lad as put us on the train to Utrecht (I didn't propose a second time!) we went to look for my departure gate (have I mentioned that Schipol is huge and confusing?) we got me security checked and checked in and off we went for coffee as my flight wasn't until 1315 and we had plenty of time. After a lovely last Dutch coffee at a table with a nice lady who was about a week too early for her flight, Leia pushed me back to ElAl where I was witness to a miserable incident that only a Russian Israeli could cause. Mr Arrogance was upset that he was being charged for overweight and got abusive to the poor gal, using foul language and threatening to get her fired for doing her job. Instead of being nice to her and trying to sweet talk her, he was a right bastard and I (hoped ) thought he should be kicked off the flight. He even went so far as to crumple his ticket and throw it on the floor. In the end he paid the overweight and repeated his threat to have her fired. As it turned out she was my escort/pusher to the gate and I told her that if he makes any trouble, I'll be happy to go to bat for her. This time the plane was full so I got a seat in steerage, and guess what? The seat belts there also fit me. The flight was a bit bumpy but the landing was perfect. I have decided that I WILL take flying lessons soonish. Leia and I talked planes/flying a lot this weekend and I'm going to do it. The jerk who pushed me through the airport told me there are no buses from there at all.(there are, but never mind) I called Zahava but her car wasn't available, so I called Bat Chen whose van was in the shop so she called a friend who came and rescued me and dropped me off at Arlozoroff where I'd learned that I'd missed the last bus. I took a shared taxi to Afula where I caught the 2310 bus which dropped me off right at Gimp House a bit after 0100. Yesterday I stayed in and rested up while savoring the memories of a wonderful weekend.