Saturday, November 19, 2005

MINDLESS MEANDERINGS and MUSINGS

We've all seen heart attacks on TV and read descriptions of them, and I'm pretty sure that is why I'm still here to write this. I knew what was happening pretty much as soon as it started, and called the paramedics. It was a very strange experience for several reasons. One was that I was conscious the whole time. Wide awake, no where close to passing out or anything like that. Yeah, it hurt, but I've had much worse pain just about every day since that run in with the katyusha. Most of the heart attacks on TV show the victim as unconscious and in dire need of electric shock heart jumper cable restart therapy or clutching his chest while writhing in pain. I was wide awake the whole time and remember it all, including the cardiac catheterization. I watched the monitor with the docs and even bantered a bit with them. Why don't they show stuff like that on TV? I'm trying to figure out if it's better to be awake like I was, or out of it. I'm not totally sure that these are memories I really want to have. It might be better to wake up afterward...........? As no one asked me, I guess I'll just have to deal with the memories as they exist.
I *do* have a lot to be thankful for and I am, believe me, I am. I'm not afraid of death, it's just that there's a lot more I want to do in this life. I still have to sort things for The Jeffey, and help Bat Chen get Ygal moving. She's not moving much on it and that's too bad because there are lots of issues that have to be addressed.

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