Friday, March 10, 2006

PROOF POSITIVE AND THE REST OF THE TIP


There she is boys and girls. Franne the intrepid pilot of small aeroplanes.
Now, onward with the saga of a Colonial Gimp driving in Great Britain.
After the final touch and go landing, and a minor adjustment of the ball on the steering wheel by Paul (who had no doubt that it should spin), we were off towards Wales. We got onto the correct "A" road which was little more than a paved path that had houses right in the middle, with brave people living in them. I swear some of them were built in Arthur's time. Not wanting to take any more risks than usual, I plodded along at gimp warp speed, well under the posted limit. Most people just overtook us. Must have been those brave folks who live in the houses that are in the middle of the road. We were plodding steadily along when a huge lorry (truck) appeared suddenly in my rear mirrors, and just stayed stuck to the bumper. My slow but safe speed must have annoyed him because he started blinking his lights and tooting his horn at us in a most unfriendly manner. It was at this point that I decided that we really needed was some kind of wheely sticker to let other drivers know that they were not dealing with a 'normal' driver. All that did was cause me to go even slower in the hope that he would just pass us, which he eventually did, while Leia wrote down his plate number. I was displeased in the extreme to see that he had load of huge logs. How flat would we have been if I'd had to brake suddenly? I was unhappier yet when we went by him parked in a small rest stop and hoped that he was stopped for a nice long rest as I did not want him roaring up behind us again. On and on we went on the narrow paved track until we came to Bath. Somewhere before/in/after/around Bath we found the entrance(yet another roundabout) to the "M" 4 and I could pick up speed. Along we rolled reliving my flight and Leia's imitation of a flappily deranged muppet person at Old Sarum. Eventually we came to a huge bridge where I had to pay a toll to go into Wales. We decided to stop at the first service area in Wales and have a bite to eat. We arrived at the service area after yet another of my creative maneuvers at a roundabout. Lucky me, the cop kept right on going without so much as glance in our direction. After our break we drove straight through to Leia's place, where we parked, got the wheely, my bag, and me out of the car and got me to the loo in the nick of time. It was a long drive and too much trouble to pretzel myself out of the car, so I just let my back teeth float until we got there. That was the evening I met Leia's Born Again housemate and politely listened while he went on for what seemed like hours about his religion. Leia scarpered to her room to look for directions to our next excursion on the Interweb. She graciously let me have her bed from which my pillows kept falling as I am a lot longer than she is and the bed can't be pushed flush to the wall because that's where the gas meter is. That was Monday, and what a great Monday it was.
Tuesday was Swansea Day and after coffee, meds, and another lloonngg talk from what's his name, the Born Again, we drove into town, parked in a parking garage,found the local Shop Mobility branch, where I promptly paid my £ 5 for a 1 year membership and was given a scooter to scoot around Swansea on. The nice man had even been in Haifa once long ago. He filled BBC's tyre too. Our next mission was to find a charger for my phone, which we did in the 5th or 6th shop we tried. Then, on to the £ 1 shop where I bought tons of purple things, some Welsh stuff, including Welsh stickers for my car, and a huge bag of assorted crisps for snacks. We then headed for the waterfront where we had lunch and a pint of Brains at a pub that had a view of a diving boaroppositeit a no swimming sign on the canal. We found a gimp supply shop and stopped in to see if maybe they had purple sticks. They didn't, but they did have some wheely stickers which I promptly bought. We had to get the scooter back by 0630, so we did that and then went by car for some groceries, which we took straight home. Both lads were in and I got to watch Olympic skating after insulting the born again guy while Leia investigated ways to get to the smallest village in Great Britain, where Kiri/Cab's family lives.
Wednesday:As I really wanted to see the rock that Arthur threw and it grew into a boulder, we decided to go by way of the Gower where I caught only a glimpse of the boulder because we were literally on a track with no place to stop and "eyes on the road" seemed a good idea. We came off The Gower and headed for Llanios on even more narrow winding roads. They really are like the ones you see in Brit TV shows, hedgerows and all. We drove and drove, all the while hoping we'd find a pub open for lunch. As we didn't, I thought it might be a good idea to pull into a driveway and have a picnic of crisps and water. The driveway I chose had a gate barring access to the house. I don't why they needed the gate as they had a flock of ferocious guard chickens who put up quite a fuss. We decided it was time to move along when the guardchickens called in reinforcememts in the form of two amstaff dogs. Back on the road, we drove and drove until we came to Llanios. We might have gotten there a bit faster but Kiri/Cab kept texting me to find out if we were there yet so we had to keep stopping to read texts then answer them. Eventually we found the right turn off, but as I'd blasted right past it, had to turn around and yet again when I realized that we were at a very bad angle for going that shear vertical cliff they call a driveway. We went a bit past the house and found Kiri/Cab's dad. I asked him if we'd found the Wood's place and when he said yes, I introduced us. He was right chuffed, he was, and told me to park behind the Range Rover and that Kim would soon return and that we could wait for her inside. We decided to wait in the car and she soon arrived with her two girls. As it was a bit muddy as it had been raining off and all day, she had me pull the car right up to the door and brought me a pair of gimp Wellies(plastic bags) to keep my dogs dry. We had a lovely visit with her and she kept trying to feed us and asked us to stay over. I wish we could have, but, we had to make do with a nice chat about how wonderful Kiri/Cab is and how much we love her. Sadly we took our leave and I got the car to go up that vertical cliff face they call a driveway! We really wanted a meal and eventually found a pub on our side of the road with a parking space just next to the door. It was a proper country pub where mostly only locals go. The food was great, and it was fun watching the locals come in and everyone knew everyone. Back in Swansea, we watched a bit of TV and Leia figured out how far it was to Finger's house. I sadly decided that it was just too much driving and called her so she could come off alert status. Next time, dear, next time.
Thursday was a slow day in Swansea. I went back for another scooter and we meandered around. I bought a pile of books, then decided to return them as I really needed that cash for petrol. That hurt, but I did buy the Clarkson book I wanted in a less expensive shop. We had lunch at a baguette place and hit a grocery shop because there were a few things I wanted to bring home. Back at Leia's we sat with the lads for a while and I managed to insult the other house mate by telling him that his explanation of the difference between horsepower and brake horsepower was dead wrong. And he's a mechanic. Could that be the reason he's an unemployed mechanic? Leia looked it up on the Interweb and I was righter than he was.
Come morning we stuffed all my things into the bag and headed for Rosebud's in Greenford. We did just fine with the air chart and Interweb directions until I took a wrong turn and after getting us back on the correct heading promptly found myself on a monster roundabout that we had to go around a few times until we figured where to get off. We arrived at Rosebuds safe and sound, and, then, who should arrive but Jipster? It was so fantastic to see her again. Richard; Mr. Rosebud came home and he and Leia set off on foot to find some fish and chips for our supper. It was a fun evening, and in the morning we heldiscussionsns on what time the rental car had to ghomeme. We decided to go with what was on the contract, which turned out to be nowish. Mr and Mrs. Rosebud and kids piled into their car and we were lead to the car rental place by way of some roundabout shenanigans on the part of Mr. Rosebud, where we found out that the car had to be returned full rather than empty as the first agent told us. So, off we went to find a petrol station. Of course we took a wrong turn and it took a bit longer than planned to fill the car and get it back. Car returned, credit card credited, so, we went to the terminal to try and get the money I owe Leia from an ATM. No luck and I promptly developed sever squits. It did give a few quid so we had lunch, then hung out around the loos which I used frequently until it was time for Leia to catch her bus home. My flight home was uneventful and Zahava picked me up and took me to her place for a nap. After I woke up I went to Bat Chen's which is pretty much on the way home, collected my hat, had coffee, a quick trip the loo and headed for home.
To be continued tomorrow...............

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